


Meet the Novaks

by croatoanwholock



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Alternate Universe - Human, F/M, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Multi, POV Alternating, Past Drug Addiction
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-06-23
Updated: 2016-01-23
Packaged: 2018-02-05 20:23:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply, Underage
Chapters: 8
Words: 37,636
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1831084
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/croatoanwholock/pseuds/croatoanwholock
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When Chuck Novak, CEO of a Fortune 500 Company, goes missing, his children are forced to move to Kansas and live with their brother Michael. But between Luce's criminal antics and Castiel's secrets, their past can't stay hidden for long.<br/>High School AU. Destiel-centric, but there are a few other ships involved.<br/></p>
            </blockquote>





	1. August

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first Supernatural fic so be nice!  
> This is for Emma, thanks for putting up with my feels 24/7!

She calls on a Tuesday evening. Michael was just going through his daily routine. It was mid-August, and the thick haze of the Kansas summer was finally lifting – that meant no more mosquito bites or sweat on the back of his neck – and he was more than ready to start grad school in three weeks. The usual customers were returning to the coffee shop he worked in, getting back into their school-year routines. It was a quarter to ten, and Michael was wiping down the last three tables at the Java Bean. His shift would be over soon.  _Another year away from home,_ he sighed with a certain amount of melancholy. He left the summer before his eighteenth birthday, heading to  _Kansas_  of all places to get his English degree. He hates it here, but it was about as far away as he could get from Father. He missed all of his siblings, but Michael knew that sometimes doing things for himself were necessary. He had been taking care of all four of them since as long as he could remember, and it was about time he was a little selfish.

Michael’s phone chirps with its generic ringtone. He’s had it for almost five years, and never bothered changing any of the default settings. He’s more than surprised when he flips it open to see the out of state area code. A picture of his baby sister’s face pops up on the screen. It was her sixth grade school picture; the most recent one he has of her. He wonders what she looks like now.

“Aniel?” He asks incredulously.  _It’s probably a drunken phone call or a butt-dial._  He knows she wouldn’t actually have a reason to talk to him, even if she wanted to.

“Hello, Michael.” She responds curtly. Her voice has gotten a bit deeper, and Michael notices how she says his name with a bit of resentment. He doesn’t blame her.

“How are you? Is everything alright?” he asks, balancing the phone between his shoulder and ear. He groans, getting sponge water on his button-down. He pours out the soapy bin in the sink and sits down on one of the fake leather chairs. He hears murmurs of someone arguing in the background.

“Well… not really. It’s Dad.”

“What happened?”

She takes a deep breath. “I don’t know. Father got in a fight with Luce over something trivial again. He just left! It was weird enough that he didn’t take the BMW, but  _Luce’s_ old clunker. That was four days ago. The police showed up half an hour ago. They found his car by the side of the road, no keys or bag or anything – he left his phone, wallet, and passport... They took Luce in for questioning and came out with nothing. I don’t know what to do.” she stammers out in a rush.

“Hey, hey, it’s alright. You can all stay with Aunt Rachel, right?” Michael tries to comfort her. “I’ll take a week off from work and come down to visit.”

“We’re not in Boston anymore.” She tells him. “We left a pretty much right after you ditched us.”

“Well where are you now?”

There’s a large crash in the background and she curses loudly. That’s new. “We  _were_ in Portland, and we moved to San Francisco last July.”

“Aniel, it’s gonna be alright.”

“Anna. Please, it’s Anna.” She sounds annoyed. “Michael, please, don’t try and comfort me. I know you mean well, but… no.”

“Let me help you.” he insists.

“Oh, like you helped us after Mom? Or you helped us when Luce ended up in  _prison_ for a whole year? Or when Cas ended up in rehab? Last time I checked, you’re not much help at all.”

Michael almost drops the phone. He didn’t know about any of that. “Why are you calling me then?”

“There’s nobody else to call. All the money in any of our accounts is  _gone_ , except for the college stuff that we can’t touch. We’re broke, alone, and pretty much about to be homeless since none of us have jobs.”

“Can’t Luce get one?”

“Did you miss the part where he has a criminal record?”

“Alright then. Um, pack your stuff, whatever you need, take the cars and drive out to Lawrence. All of you can stay with me.” Michael instructs her. He’s always had to take charge in these situations. He used to be the one holding everyone together, but he supposes that the responsibility has fallen on Anna.

“Thanks, I guess.”

Michael hangs up after he’s sure she’s already gone. He takes one of the day-old sandwiches from the display case and a pastry before locking up behind him.

 _Well shit,_  he thinks.  _Here we go again._

* * *

 

For one of the most affluent families in America, the Novaks really do not have a lot of stuff. All of their boxes could fit fairly easily into the moderate sized apartment Michael found. He isn’t a huge fan of it, and the neighborhood makes him a little uncomfortable after dark, but the rent is cheap and he was able to move in quickly. His four younger siblings arrived on Friday, and a day later, they’re almost done moving in.

“How’d you get a three bedroom apartment anyways?” Gabriel asks his oldest brother, as he pulls in the last of his boxes into his new room. “No offense bro, but you work at a coffee shop.”

Michael smiles sadly, wiping the beads of sweat off his forehead with his wrist. “I did a lot of tutoring on the side. Also, most of that is what I had saved up for grad school,” he adds after a minute, “it’s okay though. I mean family comes first.”

Gabriel raises an eyebrow at the comment, but says nothing. Instead he sighs, closing his eyes for a minute. The dark circles beginning to form under his brown eyes don’t go unnoticed by Michael. Gabe was closest to their father, Chuck. “The twins are gonna have a blast. Well, Cas is. He gets bored so easily. Anna just wants to finish up school in one place.”

“Sometimes I forget that Castiel and Anna are twins. It seems that they’re still polar opposites.” Michael remarks. After a moment of awkward silence, he admits, “You know, I meant to visit a lot. It’s just – honestly? After Dad decided that he wouldn’t pay for me and the thing with Mom-”

“Mike, get over it. Anna’s the only one who’s still a little bitter about you leaving. Well, and whatever’s up with Luci. He’s... I don’t even know, honestly. I mean, the past is the past, right? Besides, we’re here now. It must be fate!” he teases.

Gabriel was the one who usually ended up diffusing any arguments, and he had found that the easiest way to do so was with humor. Michael’s glad that the middle child hasn’t changed much.

Their new apartment is fairly cramped. It’s a third floor walk-up, and Michael could easily cover at least two year’s worth of rent with what he has saved up. That’s enough to get Anna and Castiel to finish high school here. The two of them have to share a room but they really don’t mind. Luce will be sharing with Gabe once he gets here. He had to fill out a few guardianship forms since he’s technically an adult at nineteen. Custody is going to Michael temporarily.

The furniture is all mismatched: the sofa is from Michael’s junior year dorm room, they’re all sleeping on mattresses as opposed to beds, and the dining table chairs were all bought at various yard sales. They’ll be drinking out of plastic cups but they’ll live. It’s going to be a big adjustment for all of them (except Michael) since they’re used to a huge house with a housekeeper and cook.

Anna sits down on her bed, feeling accomplished. She unpacked her last box, and everything in her room is organized to her liking. Now that she has a bit of time, she opens up a book. But when she looks over at Castiel, she can’t help but feel a bit frustrated by the mess. For fraternal twins, they couldn’t be more different. Anna’s half of her room is meticulously organized from her color-coded clothing storage to alphabetized bookshelves and photos in fancy frames next to her trophies from debate championships and soccer tournaments.

Castiel, on the other hand, is for lack of a better word – a mess. Everything on his side is cluttered: clothes thrown over the desk chair, a haphazard stack of vinyl records that looks like it’ll fall over any second and wrinkled sheets that smell like stale cigarettes and sex. It infuriates Anna.  _At least Luce would throw all his crap in drawers,_ Anna thinks. She wrinkles her nose before looking back at her book. Most of his crap is still in the large brown box under the window.

“Anna.” Castiel snaps, pulling her out of her thoughts, “Are you doing  _homework?_ ” He asks her, raising an eyebrow. “It’s the last weekend before school, and you’re spending it in a test prep book.” He runs a hand through his hair, messing it up even more. The dark brown flop never seems to stay in place.

“Junior year is  _the_  most important in terms of applying to colleges. And unlike you, I care about getting into a good school.” She folds the corner of the page she was reading, and closes it with a slam. “Besides, it’s not like we have friends here we can hang out with.”

“Well, screw that! Let’s go out! I’ll grab Gabe and we can all find some place to grab a beer or watch some shitty rom-com that you think will be cute. Anything you want, Anna. But I am  _so_  not letting you be a nerd tonight.” Castiel stands up excitedly. He has her best interests at heart. “Besides, we can start over here. Nobody knows who we are.”

“ _Everyone_  knows who we are. Oh, the kids of Charles Novak!”

“It’s Kansas. I doubt it.”

“Fine, Cas.” Anna gives up, throwing her hands in the air. “Give me twenty minutes.” Not that she’d ever admit it, but she does like going out. The only difference is that Anna thinks her future is the most important thing, and she doesn’t want to ruin that by a drunken mistake.

Castiel walks out, giving her privacy to change and do her makeup. He goes to find Gabe and tell him that he accomplished the impossible: getting Anna out of the house.

“Little brother, you’re the best!” Gabriel high fives him, “Now, a serious question. Do you think they have cute chicks in Kansas?”

* * *

 

“Where do you think you’re going?” Michael asks as the three of them are practically out of the door. He sounds awfully parental.

“Out.” Anna responds coolly.

“I got that. But where?”

“Not quite sure, Mike. We’re gonna see the  _town_  or whatever they have here.” Gabe cuts in.

“So you’re going out drinking?” Michael sighs. There’s a long pause. “I was your age once too.”

“So what if we are? I mean is that an issue?” Cas asks, arms folded over his sweater. He taps his foot impatiently.

“I don’t know. I mean, would Father let you? I heard that you were in…” He’s smart enough to cut himself off. Cas’ death glare at Anna says that he shouldn’t have brought it up. Michael sighs. It’s obvious he’s trying to get on their good sides. “You don’t know where Luce is by any chance? We have to… talk.”

“He’s out somewhere.” Gabe shrugs.

Michael’s face falls. “Alright. Um, I have tomorrow off if you want to all do something as a family. It’s been so long, I thought it would be nice.”

“Yeah, maybe.” Gabe suggests. It’s an empty promise, and both of them know it.

Castiel, Gabriel and Anna end up going to The Roadhouse, a small bar that Michael said was popular for teenagers because they don’t card. It’s a dingy-looking place that reminds Cas of the bars he used to frequent on the bad parts of whatever city he lived in at the time. The music is too loud and the beer is kind of flat, but none of them really care. The whole place smells like stale cigarettes and sweat. Three drinks in, Anna’s out on the dance floor, and Gabriel’s in the bathroom hooking up with someone. Castiel feels too hot. He’s surrounded by clumps of people and the air is thick and humid. Usually he loves this type of crowd, but right now he feels suffocated and just needs some air. As soon as he gets outside, he’s relived.

“Fancy a fag and a chat?” someone asks him. Castiel turns around, and it’s a shorter guy in a suit with a thick accent. Castiel thinks it’s British, but he’s not sure at all.

“Please,” Castiel half smiles at the stranger.

“The name’s Crowley Talbot,” the young man offers his hand out, and Castiel shakes it. It’s a bit odd for someone who looks so young, but he doesn’t question it. He could probably pass for a teenager.

“I’m Castiel,” he introduces himself, taking the cigarette eagerly. He hasn’t been able to smoke since he’s gotten here since he knows Michael would flip. He bummed off strangers at the rest stops on the drive from San Francisco to Lawrence, but all he could get in was a few hits. Cas inhales deeply, and he feels better almost instantly. He leans against the brick wall, sighing happily.

“So, are you new around these parts? I haven’t seen your face before.” Crowley asks. Castiel nods. The Brit looks at him up and down, “Well the accent says East Coast, maybe New York? I can’t tell. And the clothing – that’s definitely Seattle. Or you’re just trying too hard. I moved here two years ago. God, the school here is terribly boring.”

“Yeah? I’m gonna be a junior.” Castiel smiles. He feels a little too eager. “I’ve been all over the place. We’ve moved around a lot.”

“Hm, well, I bet you’re  _so cool_. Let me guess, you wear only black with the occasional flannel. And that sweater is probably from a thrift shop,” Crowley half sneers.  _You’re having a conversation about fashion outside a bar. Real straight, Castiel,_ he thinks. He has to remind himself that a lot of people won’t take to kindly to his sexuality here. This is his first time not in a big city.

“You’re wearing a suit to a bar,” Castiel points out, exhaling a plume of smoke into the night sky. He can almost see stars.

“That’s because I look  _great.”_

Castiel shrugs. It’s not a lie.

“Just between you and me love, I look a lot better without it,” Crowley smirks. He looks at his watch, “Don’t mind me if I’m reading you wrong, but do you wanna get out of here?”

Castiel grins, and sends a quick text to Gabe. He’s starting to like it here already.

* * *

 

Luce wakes up at two-thirty in the afternoon to the sound of a vacuum cleaner. He groans and rolls out of bed, landing on the floor with a loud thump in an unfamiliar room. He’s still in jeans from last night and… no underwear. He changes into sweatpants and walks into the living room, yawning.

“Morning, sunshine,” Michael smiles sweetly at his younger brother, voice dripping with sarcasm. The nature of their relationship is complicated to say the least. After their mother died, things were never the same between the two of them. It was six years ago, and she was teaching Luce how to drive when he hit a tree. He walked away unscratched. Luce was their parents’ favorite up until that day.

“When did you become a housewife?” Luce asks, rubbing his eyes.

“When  _Daddy_  stopped paying for a maid. So, you’re nineteen. I’m paying rent. When are you getting a job?”

“I’m bartending at some place a few blocks away. I start tonight.”

“Of course you are,” Michael mutters. He turns off the vacuum, and sits down on the couch. It sinks under his weight.

“How are you doing?”

“I’m alive. I mean, if you want to know about my  _personal life_ , it’s way too early in the morning.”

“So, what exactly the hell happened with Dad? The kids won’t talk about it.”

“Mikey, that’s a loaded question. There was a fight, he left and never came back.” The blond sighs, sitting down next to him.

“I’m not passing judgment on you. I never have.” Michael says softly. There’s a flicker of recognition between them. “I was just hoping you knew. I was figuring we could try for a clean slate with us.”

“Clean slate?”

“Well, our situation is complicated and I thought maybe if we-”

“Complicated?” the younger boy raises his eyebrows. “Pssh. That’s an understatement.”

“If you’re referring to  _that_ ,” Michael looks down, slightly losing his grip on his composure, “then I think it’s best if we put that behind us.”

“It’s a nice idea, it really is,” Luce stands up, “but we both know that’ll never happen. “Don’t worry, big brother, I’ll stay out of your way. But if you wanna come see me,” he pauses, and his eyes flicker down to Michael’s feet, and then slowly back up to meet his older brother’s blue eyes, “you know where I’ll be.”

* * *

 

Monday rolls around and the three youngest Novaks find themselves going to their first day of school.

“So, Kripke High, huh?” Castiel groans, leaning back in the passenger seat of Gabriel’s car, “If this looks like Glee, I’m dropping out.”

The red Audi Roadster that Gabriel drives was a gift from their father for his sixteenth birthday. It’s his favorite possession, and he’s almost meticulous when it comes to cleaning it. He meets Cas’ eyes and shoots him a look, silently telling his younger brother to put his feet off the dashboard. He taps his fingers on the steering wheel impatiently, and then looks back over at Castiel again.

“Cheer up, little bro! That guy you walked out with last weekend goes here,” Gabriel teases and Castiel slightly pales, sitting up straightly. His sexuality is something that he hasn’t exactly brought up with his whole family. He’s only officially told Anna that he’s bisexual. “Oh, don’t worry Cassie. I don’t care that you play for both teams. As long as you don’t have a stick up your ass I don’t care who’s up there.”

“Okay! We are ending this conversation.” Anna cuts in from the back seat, “Please, talk about this when I’m not here.”

“Don’t be such a prude, Anna.” Gabriel taunts her, as he pulls into the school parking lot. Everyone’s eyes are on the flashy car. It’s clear that most people take the school bus, or drive a truck or their parent’s SUV if they’re lucky. “Well, would you look at that? Home sweet home, at least for as long as we’re here. Have fun at Glee High, kiddies!”

“It’s McKinley.” Anna corrects him, “Be good, boys.” They all get out of the car and split up shortly after. Their social circles barely ever cross, so it’s unlikely they’ll spend any time with each other. Anna loves her brothers, but she knows that Gabe’s reputation as a prankster and Castiel’s tendency to slack off won’t give her the best first impression with her new teachers. Also, her twin’s precious bad boy rep doesn’t go well with her do-gooder personality.

Maybe Castiel wasn’t completely right. Despite being in the middle of nowhere, Kripke High isn’t that bad. It’s a fairly small school, and all of the kids know each other, so he’s The New Kid. Again. Anna sits in front of him in homeroom, and Gabriel’s in his yoga class (“ _I bet it’s great that you’re so bendy, Cassie.”_ ). Crowley has woodshop with him, which is taught by a scruff guy by the name of Mr. Singer, and Castiel thinks he owns the town auto shop. It doesn’t go unnoticed that all Crowley ever tries to do is flirt with Mr. Singer (who he calls Robert).

Crowley and Castiel sit outside during lunch, smoking against the back wall of the building. It’s clear that they’re nothing serious, and Cas appreciates the bluntness of his new friend. He’s not quite sure what it is that Crowley does with his spare time, except for the fact that his phone is constantly ringing and he frequently ‘makes deals’. It’s a little unnerving, but he’s seen a lot worse.

Soon, the rest of Crowley’s friends come over and Cas meets them too. There’s three of them: another Brit named Balthazar with blond hair like Luce’s and a tight-fitting v-neck shirt that’s too low cut for his own good. Surprisingly, he’s actually  _very_  straight. Next to him is a short dark-haired girl in all leather with red lipstick named Meg, and her similar-looking cousin Ruby Masters, who’s a senior. The rest are all juniors, like him. They have pretty bad attitudes, but seem to get along well with him. Ruby even offers him something strong smelling from a thermos.  _Yep, he doesn’t mind them at all._

About halfway through the period, a ridiculously tall kid with a baby face and shaggy hair comes over to Ruby, and kisses her chastely. After a minute, he notices Castiel. “Oh, hey there! My name’s Sam Winchester! I’m a freshman! Are you new here?”

“Hello, Sam.” Castiel waves awkwardly. This kid looks like he should have his nose in a book, not his tongue in Ruby’s mouth. “I’m Castiel.”

“Novak?” Sam asks, perking up. “I think I met your sister. Bottle-red hair?” Castiel nods. “She’s nice!”

Another guy in a wrestling letterman comes over. Meg licks her lips. Castiel gets a better look at him.  _He’s beautiful._  Tanned skin dashed with freckles, impossibly green eyes, and dirty blond hair. “Sammy,” he groans in a gruff voice. “You know you should stay away from  _Ruby._ ” He says her name with disdain. “And seriously, stop hitting on little kids. It’s weird.”

Sam runs off with a quick “Bye, Castiel. Nice meeting you!”

Wrestling guy looks up. “Castiel. That’s your name?”

“Hello.” Castiel waves, stomping out a cigarette. “That’s me. And you are?”

“That one’s older brother. I’m Dean.” He looks around uncomfortably. “Well, I’ll see you around, hopefully. Bye, Cas. Can I call you Cas?” He shrugs, throwing in a wink before sauntering off.

After a moment, Castiel finally speaks. “Who the hell was that?”

Balthazar smirks. “That, love, was  _the_  Dean Winchester. And he has a type. Speaking of types, Ruby, isn’t going after a child a bit irresponsible?”

Ruby rolls her eyes, “Oh, please. It’s mostly to piss off Jock Extraordinaire over there.”

“You said type?” Castiel asks, sounding a bit too eager. He’s not even sure why, but for some reason, he felt attracted to Dean, in a more than physical sense. Like there was something about that boy that made him special. The cliché makes him want to puke up his sandwich.

“Yep. Men. You’re in luck then.” Crowley winks. Castiel blushes, and Meg sits down on a thin patch of grass.

“You’re gay?” Meg asks, frowning. “Well, shit.”

“I’m bisexual.” Castiel clarifies, a hint of annoyance.

“Well  _thank God._ ” I’ve wanted to get my hands on you for the past twenty minutes.”

Castiel doesn’t know how to respond. Balthazar’s laugh seems to fill the awkward silence, and a minute later, he’s in a debate with the blond over the best kinds of vodka.

He’s going to be just fine here.

Anna sits down next to Sam Winchester at lunch, the sophomore genius in her AP Calculus class. He’s in 10th grade, but is only fourteen. It’s a little weird, but he’s friendly, and that’s good enough for her. She’s quickly introduced to everyone else at the table: a tough but sweet girl named Jo and her best friends who are two computer geniuses named Charlie and Ash. Charlie seems cool, if a bit nerdy. Ash is a senior, and already is practically guaranteed into MIT despite his stoner appearance. A quiet kid in as many Advanced Placement classes as Anna named Kevin joins them. They seem pretty cool, and eager to know about her.

“Anna Novak, hm?” Kevin asks her. “Like Charles Novak?”

“Who’s that?” Jo asks.

“CEO of one of the Fortune 500’s.”

“Oh.” Jo shrugs. “That’s cool.”

“Yeah, that’s me,” she half-smiles uncomfortably. They sense her awkwardness and thankfully change the conversation topic.

“That’s pretty cool. But I have a more important question: did you guys see last night’s season premiere of  _Doctor Sexy, MD_?” Charlie asks. “I can’t believe that Doctor Piccolo’s twin sister is actually-”

“Don’t you dare ruin that for me!” Ash cuts in, looking deadly serious.

Anna can tell she’s found her niche.

* * *

 

That night, the Novaks sit down for a family dinner for the first time in years. Well, all of them except Luce, who’s at work. Michael makes them say grace, just like their father Chuck would always do. They eat their store-bought bagged salad and pre-cooked chicken in silence, until Michael decides to ask, “So, how was your first day?”

“Alright, I guess. I’m rejoining debate.” Anna shrugs, taking a large sip from her water. “There’s an opening on the school newspaper and the student council treasurer graduated, so I might pick those up too.”

“And you two?” He asks his younger brothers.

“Well, Gabe hasn’t been suspended.” Castiel half-jokes.

“Yet,” Gabriel corrects him, “I did make some friends, Mike. And there’s this little kid, probably a freshman. Genius, really fun to fuck with.”

“Language.” Anna sighs. Michael shoots her a glance of appreciation.

“ _Aaanyways,_ ” Gabriel pushes his plate away, taking a chocolate bar from his pocket instead. Castiel smiles and stabs all of the untouched olives from the salad onto his plate. Gabe ignores Michael’s glare and continues, “Sammy. He’s a friend, I guess. His older brother isn’t half-bad. And Dean’s car – it’s a beauty.”

“Dean? As in Dean Winchester?” Castiel can’t help but interject, sounding over-eager. Gabriel and Anna share a look, and both start laughing hysterically. “What?”

After a moment, Anna collects herself enough to answer, “We’ve been here for maybe four days, Cas. Keep it in your pants. Besides, I heard that Meg Masters has a thing for you.” Castiel groans. Meg is kind of scary.

“Too late for that. Do you  _not_  remember last Saturday?” Gabe teases.

“Oh. So this morning you meant…  _oh._ ” Anna looks at her twin unhappily, “really, Cas?”

Michael puts his fork down and inhales sharply. He says nothing for a moment, and then finally pieces it together. “Castiel, are you a homosexual?”

Cas slams his fork down angrily, “I’m not  _gay_!”

“He’s bisexual.” Anna interjects.

“That’s practically the same thing,” Michael insists. Anna looks around warily. She senses a conflict.

“Oh, here we go with this crap. If you’re gonna start with some Jesus speech, I’ll walk out right now.” Castiel groans.

“No. I don’t approve of that, and in all honestly, I think two men together… like  _that_  is kind of disgusting,” Michael says slowly. “It’s sin, and it’s… ugh.”

“ _Thanks._ ”

“Let me finish please. I can’t imagine Dad would be happy with that, but you’re my little brother, and under my roof, I don’t mind. Well let me rephrase that: I do mind... of course I mind, but we’re not going to deal with this now. Just some ground rules, and this applies to all of you: no sexual  _anythings_ , with boys  _or_  girls in the house. If you’re doing that – which you shouldn’t be, you know what the Bible says about premarital sex – keep it far away from the house. And also, just please remember that people here aren’t as open-minded as they are in urban areas. So keep that in mind.”

“Is this the part where I thank you for your overwhelming generosity?” Castiel asks, sighing. He needs a drink. “And for the record, I’m bisexual. Not gay. There  _is_  a difference, especially to me.” He stands up and swiftly leaves, heading to his room.

Anna volunteers to do the dishes. It’s usually the only way anything gets done around the apartment. She ends up cleaning up after everyone – Michael’s too worn out to straighten up the perpetual clutter and nobody else cares. She’s able to tune out all the noise to a low hum, and takes a scan of the house. There’s loud music blaring from Gabe’s room (she’s pretty sure it’s Ke$ha, but she doesn’t bother asking; Anna’s positive that he only listens to Top 40 to bother everyone else), and Michael is humming quietly while flipping through a worn copy of something by Vonnegut. She doesn’t know how he does it – act so nonchalantly calm even though it’s clear that the world is practically crumbling under their feet. He thinks that if he ignores something, it’ll go away. It’s a talent of hi

Castiel comes out of their room fifteen minutes later looking sheepish. “Hey,” he half-smiles, pouring coffee from the skeevy looking pot (Anna’s pretty sure Luce stole it from a motel), and cradling the mug with his hands. There’s a slight tremor in his left hand, and it doesn’t go unnoticed. “If you wanna study or something, room’s all yours.” Anna smiles and thanks him. She dries off the last dish and tiptoes into their room. Anna always feels the need to tread lightly, as if the ground will cave in under her pedicured feet. This problem, like everything else, will get sorted out in time. It has no deadline, unlike her AP Calculus homework. 

Cas takes his coffee and climbs out on to the fire escape. He lights a cigarette, inhaling deeply. He feels homesick. Sure, the people he met here are decent, but he actually felt at home in San Francisco. The last four years they spent on the west coast were the most dysfunctional. Their mother had died, and their father had become even more distant. He never was a good parent, and the two of them had always played favorites with Gabriel and Luce. Michael was expected to follow obediently and be a model child. It was clear for as long as he and Anna could remember that the two of them were accidents. Anna worked so hard to prove herself, while he just did the opposite: if they didn’t care at all, then there’s no point in trying. He found himself frequently taking solstice in simple things: Michael’s annotated poetry books, Marlboros, his closest friend Jack Daniels, and the comfort of another body. It turned to other things more recently, but Cas had turned a new leaf, and he was clean of most of the heavy stuff. Sure, most of those were self-destructive tendencies, but it didn’t really matter to him. He couldn’t see himself being anywhere in five years, so should it matter if he’s skimming time off the end of his life that he probably won’t even reach? Cas tenses when he feels someone sit down next to him. He turns around to meet Michael’s similar features. The two of them look the most similar.

“Do you wanna talk about it?” Michael asks with something that could possibly be sympathy in his eyes. He sniffs and frowns when he sees the cigarette.

“About  _what_?” Cas responds harshly. He wants to retort with something among the lines of  _where were you when I actually needed someone to talk to?_ But, he doesn’t.  _Anger is a secondary emotion, Cas. You learned that. Anger stems out of hurt. You’re hurt._ He tries to tell himself. Being nice was never a strong point of his.

“You obviously know this, but that’s really bad for you,” Michael points to the cigarette, as Castiel takes another pull apathetically. “And I mean everything. I want to know about your day or your feelings or if you have a  _crush_  or something. I want to be here for you, and also, I want to know what happened with Dad since you really seem to be hurting.”

“So, what you’re saying is that you’re gonna pretend to give a fuck about us for the next few weeks while you try to find out where Dad is, so you can get rid of us as fast as you can. You were gone for  _four years_ , Michael. You visited once, and that was Mom’s memorial! Not even a birthday card or an email. Hell, you couldn’t even write something on my Facebook! Why should we think – no, why should  _I_  think you actually give a fuck?” Castiel hisses, squinting his eyes. “Besides, if you want the dirty details, why not talk to Luce?”

“We have a pretty fucked up relationship,” Michael sighs, hurt obvious on his face. Castiel almost wants to apologize. “Luce told me the gist of it, but I just don’t think it adds up.”

“You think he’s lying?” Cas raises an eyebrow. “His whole motto is that he doesn’t need to lie.”

“When has he ever told the whole truth?” Michael asks. Castiel drops his gaze, flicking the cigarette butt down the fire escape. He watches it fall from floor to floor before it hits cement. A car passes by the darkened street. Michael can tell he’s hiding something, but he doesn’t press.

He stands up. “Look, I’m not gonna nag you about it; that would be a waste of both of our time. But if you want to talk, and if you’re ready to, you know where to find me. He’s my dad too.”

Castiel doesn’t exhale until Michael’s shut the window behind him.  _I’m in such deep shit,_ he thinks.

* * *

Later that night, Castiel wakes from a restless sleep. He walks out into the kitchen to get some water, when a voice stops him. “You can’t keep ignoring me, baby bro.” Luce smirks.

“Michael asked me about what happened. I don’t like lying to him.” Castiel sighs, sitting down. He rubs his eyes. They’re developing circles from lack of sleep and all the recent stress he’s been under.

“Our  _father_  walked in on you fucking another guy. Our father, the Jesus freak. I’m the one who has to look after this family;  _I’m_ the one who loves you guys. I wasn’t going to let him send you away – or worse.” Luce points out. He puts his feet up on the rickety coffee table. “Someone has to look out for this family, and it’s me. I only did what’s best. You know that, right?”

“You say that you’re doing this because you care, but that’s not it. You’re using our issues as a means to your end. That’s not fair. I would have been okay with boarding school or some gay-away camp. I’m not even gay – for all I know I could end up falling in love with a girl! Luce, you’re just being selfish and that’s all this is. Now we’re stuck in the middle of fucking nowhere in  _Kansas_ of all places, and there’s a good chance Dad’s dead! Are you satisfied?”

Luce says nothing for a moment, before coolly responding, “You say that like you hate it: the freedom, the autonomy. Don’t act like you miss him.”

“I do miss him! I just want to go home. But we don’t even have a home to go back to.” Cas whines. He knows he’s complaining, but can’t find the patience to respond appropriately. “I don’t even know what you did. Please, tell me you didn’t do what I think you did.”

“Whatever, baby bro.” Luce dismisses him, “In the end, you’re just as screwed as I am. So don’t even  _think_  about opening your mouth or… well you know what I can do.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know what you think! Any/all feedback is appreciated. :)


	2. September

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The feedback I've been getting is amazing, thank you so much. I'm going to try and update weekly.  
> It would mean the world to me if you reviewed!

Anna is suspicious from the moment she wakes up. She’s always trusted her gut, and it’s telling her that something is off. She’s noticed a lot these past few weeks, but even more so today. And she’s sure-as-hell that it isn’t the Dad thing, at least completely. Anna knows Luce had something to do with him leaving, but in all honesty she was too scared of him and his rage to ask. In fact, she still is.  There’s really no escape for her physically, so she distracts herself emotionally. Anna focuses all of her effort into extracurricular activities. She eats six o’clock dinners with her debate friends’ families (they all have two parents and a house with a green lawn and picket fence – it makes her sick), and studies for hours for even the smallest quiz. Her grades are even better than before, but she doesn't  _feel_ any better.

Anna loves her family, but frankly, she doesn’t like them. She can’t stand the lies and the secrets. Michael tries to be Dad, Jr. but it never works, and Luce acts mild-mannered, but his name might as well be _Lucifer_ since when he finally snaps, all hell breaks loose. Gabe can’t do anything but joke around because the truth has the tendency to terrify him, or worse, disrupt his status of favorite child that was won when Luce crashed the car those years ago. Castiel is just the worst. He bottles everything in and won’t let anything out, except in the form of sex or drugs or, more recently, nicotine. Anna sees right through it (she thinks it’s the whole twin thing even though they’re fraternal), but he brushes off her concern with a sarcastic retort. The whole thing is one big dysfunctional train wreck. And she’s tied to the tracks.

She’s not sure why, but she always wakes up early. No matter how sleep deprived she feels, Anna has never been able to sleep past nine. So, she decides to throw on a pair of fuzzy socks and her favorite Harvard pullover and make pancakes. She flips a large stack of twenty ( _that should be enough for all five of them and some leftovers_ , she estimates) and sits down with a cup of peppermint tea. Michael wakes up a few minutes later, and sits down at the table smiling at her. He was always a morning person.

“Morning, Anna. How are you?” Michael asks her, pouring exactly two tablespoons of maple syrup on his pancakes.

“I’m well.” She answers politely, trying not to sound bitter. She’s still uncomfortable acting like everything between them is okay. “A little worn out, but that’s high school for you, I guess. How about you? This must be very... stressful. I can’t imagine ending up with four extra mouths to feed was a part of your plan.”

“You’re not an inconvenience, Anna.” Michael assures her. He still sees her as a chubby middle-schooler. He can tell she loathes the assumption that she hasn’t changed at all. He feels like they need to get to know each other again. He adds, “I’m getting my master’s through these online courses Kansas U offers, and then I can get a real full-time job. I want to teach English. I like working at The Java Bean, but honestly, I need a real job that’s sustainable.”

“I think you’ll be a wonderful teacher.” Anna smiles genuinely. “Hey, can I ask you something? Maybe it’s just me, but something seems a little… off. This past month has been really hard, but I think there’s something out of the ordinary going on, even for _this_ situation.”

“Yeah. I know what you mean. I asked Castiel about what happened with Dad a week or two ago, and he seemed pretty evasive.” Michael shrugs, standing up to put his plate in the dishwasher.

“I’m just as in the dark as you. By the time I got home from SAT prep that night, he was gone. Something happened, and Dad and Luce had another screaming match. I can only assume that whatever happened was a lot worse than the usual fight. Dad’s never done anything near that. Cas was on edge for a few days. I don’t want to assume the worst, but it’s almost two months now. Dad disappeared in August.” Anna sighs, running a hand through her oily hair. She makes a mental note to buy more red dye since her roots are growing back in.

Michael leaves for work a half-hour later and Anna sits down to tackle some of her homework. Gabe and Cas wake up around ten thirty, and finish off the stack of pancakes (save for four she put in a container for Luce). Castiel is dragging her to some party tonight so she actually convinces him to get some homework done.

“It’s a special party,” Gabe informs her, “cause Cassie’s current obsession is hosting it. Winchester, I think.” He fakes indifference. Anna doesn’t buy it. Gabe is like Cas’ own personal paparazzi. He knows everything about his love life. In all honesty, she finds it a bit creepy.

“Something tells me I’ll be walking home tonight.” Anna groans, taking a sip of her tea. She’s happy that Cas is making friends, but she just wants to lie low. If Cas trusts someone or lets something slip about their family, then things could end up _really_ badly for all of them. Especially since, yes, most people have heard of their father. “Are you going?”

“No way.” Gabe smirks, “I’m going on a date with Kali. I think it’s getting serious.”

“Congrats, Gabriel.” Anna smiles, putting her hand on his shoulder. “I’m sure you and her are gonna have a great time.”

“Aw, Gabe’s got himself a lady friend? How much is she charging per hour?” Luce taunts. Neither of them realized he was even awake. Castiel puts down his pen on the kitchen table. Luce meets his gaze and winks.

“At least I can get girls. What’s it like not having anyone?” Gabe retorts.

“Ask Castiel, I wouldn’t know. I have a – her name’s Abby. She works with me. Abby Masters.”

“Masters?” Cas asks in disbelief. “As in Meg Masters?”

“I think she mentioned a younger sister and cousin.” Luce shrugs.

“So you two have been fucking the same family. Awkward.” Gabe smirks. Cas throws his napkin at him.

“Meg and I are not…” Cas starts, and then shrugs in agreement. 

“Anyways, any news on Daddy Dearest?” Luce asks, locking eyes with Castiel. Nobody responds. “Figured as much.”

 

Castiel is genuinely nervous for the first time in a while. Luce’s thinly veiled threats are nothing short of terrifying. He’s not a big talker; Castiel knows that his older brother is _very_ capable of doing unspeakable things. But he knows that there’s nothing he can do besides let this hang over his head and keep quiet, so he tries his best to ignore it and push it to the back of his mind.

Cas’ nervousness for this party is another matter entirely. He’s been half flirting with Dean Winchester for the better part of a month and a half, and maybe he has _butterflies_ but he’ll chalk that up to indigestion. Besides, he’s been occasionally screwing Meg for a few weeks, and it’s a pretty good arrangement. _It’s just a party, Novak. Calm down,_ he tells himself. They haven’t even talked that much, but they catch each other’s eyes so frequently that it can’t possibly be coincidence. Maybe he spends more time than Anna figuring out what to wear, but that’s not the worst thing in the world. And he tells himself it isn’t a schoolgirl crush (unlike what Gabe thinks), but it wouldn’t be the worst thing in the world if it were.

After twenty minutes, Castiel finally decides on his favorite pair of jeans, Docs, and a black button-down. He thinks he looks good. Anna wears a short red dress, and they both know Michael wouldn’t let her out of the house like that, but luckily he’s at work.

They show up at the party, and it really _is_ just like something out of a high school movie. There’s only one high school in Lawrence, and it has about five hundred kids in total, so everyone pretty much knows everyone else. They’re still adjusting to going to _public school_ and having “normal friends". Going to “normal parties” seemed like part of the deal as well. They head into the kitchen, where they see the host. Dean puts two unnaturally green drinks in Cas and Anna’s hands.

“Glad you could make it, Cas. Anna too.” Dean smiles, hugging Cas to his surprise. Anna winks at her older brother. Cas tries (unsuccessfully) to not glare back. The music is so loud he can barely hear him.

Anna walks downstairs and sees maybe fifteen people. She recognizes Jo as well as Kevin and Charlie. There are four guys facing off in beer pong (one of them is Victor, from her gym class, and she doesn’t recognize the rest). There’s a man in a suit with his tongue down the throat of a dark haired girl. _Cas has brought both of them home at one point,_ Anna realizes. She shudders, sipping her drink.

“Get a room!” A guy with an uneven mullet yells at them. That’s Ash… and his haircut looks a few hours old.

“Why hello, there.” Another guy with a British accent greets her. He takes Anna’s hand and kisses it, making her cheeks turn as red as her hair. “And who might you be?”

“Anna.” She smiles, letting her hand fall down at her side.

“Novak? You’re much better looking than your twin brother, I must say. I’m Balthazar. Pleasure to meet you.” Anna grins widely.

“Hey, guys. We should totally play spin the bottle!” Charlie slurs, cutting her off.

Everyone mutters approvals, and they sit down in a misshapen circle. Anna kicks off her heels and sits down between Ash and Balthazar. Dean finishes off a bottle of beer and hands it to Charlie before sitting down next to Castiel. _Not a coincidence,_ she thinks. She didn’t even notice that they were down here. Most people are upstairs.

Castiel is uncomfortable. He knows exactly whom he’d like the bottle to land on when it’s his turn to spin, but he has a feeling that it won’t work out in his favor – like most things. He downs the rest of Anna’s drink while she’s making googly eyes at Balthazar. _Much better._

Charlie opts to go first, and it lands on Jo. Victor looks way too enthusiastic. They peck at most, and Meg slow claps sarcastically. Balthazar spins next, and it lands on Anna. Castiel grimaces to which Balthazar teases, “Oh, lighten up Cassie.” That doesn’t stop him from looking away while his baby sister sucks face with his friend. After Ash coughs uncomfortably, they pull away. Balthazar whispers something in Anna’s ear and she giggles. Cas makes a fake gagging noise. Meg spins it, and it lands on Cas. Anna whistles.

“Pucker up, sweetheart.” Meg teases him. They’ve done this plenty of times, and Cas doesn’t mind. Meg tastes like her organic cigarettes and cinnamon and something girly too. Her soft lips are pleasant, and she’s a good kisser, but he feels slightly self-conscious kissing her in front of other people, especially Dean. Cas tunes out most of what’s going on after that. He sees Kevin kiss Charlie (which is fairly pathetic and hilarious), Victor kiss Jo, and Anna attempt kiss a wasted Ash who completely misses her lips. He doesn’t know the rest of the people playing. He’s brought back to the game by Dean’s turn. He takes a spin, and it lands on Balthazar – nope, that’s Cas. _That’s me!_ It takes him a moment to realize everyone’s staring at him.

“You don’t mind, dude, right?” Dean asks, something like hope mixed with worry in his eyes. “If it makes you uncomfortable, I can re-do it.”

Castiel almost laughs. _He thinks someone wouldn’t want to kiss him._ “It’s fine,” he responds, trying to sound indifferent. It doesn’t really work. He can feel his face heating up. Dean scoots over to him awkwardly, and closes the gap between their faces. He’s a little shocked about how good his lips feel against Dean’s. It’s almost like they’re pieces of a puzzle, meant to be slotted together. He internally rolls his eyes at the cliché and kisses back hard. Dean grips his hand in Cas’ hair, and he silently thanks Gabe for throwing out his hair gel. When Dean’s tongue ends up between his lips, Cas reciprocates eagerly. Time seems to slow down. After a moment (but was probably much longer), Cas reluctantly pulls away. His face his flushed and lips are bright pink and kiss-bitten. They realize everyone is staring, and more than usual. Anna and Balthazar have matching shit-eating grins, and Kevin looks _so_ uncomfortable.

“Well, by all means, don’t hold back on account of us.” Jo smirks.

“Damn, Winchester. Didn’t know you had that in you.” Victor finishes his drink.

“How come you didn’t kiss _me_ like that?” Crowley asks, feigning hurt. He holds up his cup and takes a large drink.

Castiel stands up, feeling oddly self-conscious. He smooths out the front of his button-down and announces, “I’m gonna get some air.” He practically runs up the stairs and into the street in front of the house, nearly knocking over a tipsy Sam Winchester. He doesn’t bother to apologize. Once he’s outside, he takes a deep breath and lights up a cigarette, inhaling deeply. _What the fuck was that?_

Cas doesn’t get much time to self-reflect. Someone behind him clears their throat and mutters, “You know, those are bad for you.” It’s Dean. Cas turns around. “Sorry for following you out here, Cas. I just wanted to say sorry for making that really uncomfortable.” His green eyes seem muted, as if his sadness is reflected in them.

The dark haired boy shakes his head, puffing out a plume of smoke. “Believe me, I didn’t find that uncomfortable. We should do that again sometime. Well, if you want to.” Cas can’t help but stare at the taller boy. There’s just something so special about Dean Winchester, and he doesn’t know why. He feels drawn, like a moth to a flame. He’s dated plenty of people and had his handful of crushes, but for some reason, this one seems different.

“I’d like that.” Dean admits, quietly. After a minute of just _staring_ at him, Dean asks, “You know, I don’t know the first thing about you.”

“Well, what’s your favorite color?” Castiel asks. “Mine’s green. Like your eyes.”

“Mine’s blue.”

“Well, now I know everything about you.” Cas jokes. He flicks the cigarette butt out onto the asphalt, even though it’s only half-used. “Wanna go back downstairs?”

When they get back into the basement, the atmosphere has completely changed. Jo is telling some story loudly with elaborate hand gestures to the majority of the group. Anna is sitting on Balthazar’s lap in a corner and Ash has a straw in a bottle of Grey Goose. Dean walks over and plucks it out, before giving his friend a water bottle. Charlie makes eye contact with Cas and winks, before smiling eagerly. He makes his way over and they chat for a while. She’s been over to hang out with Anna and she seems pretty cool. He does a few shots with Victor and one of the other jocks, and he doesn’t realize how time’s flied until he checks his phone out of the blue and sees that it’s almost one.

“Shit, Anna.” Cas calls over to her. “We have to go. It’s late.” They say their goodbyes, and Cas promises to text Charlie when they get home, and head to the front door. Sam is passed out on the couch with Jo’s head on his shoulder. Anna pulls a blanket over Jo’s legs. Dean walks them to the door and hugs Anna goodbye. He goes to hug Cas and kisses him chastely, out of the blue.

“I’ll text you.” Dean smiles. “See ya Monday, Cas.” Cas sees Victor hand Charlie a $10, who high-fives Kevin. _They made bets on us!_

The whole walk home, Anna teases Cas about that (“Someone’s in _looove._ ”). Anna heads straight into bed, without even changing out of her clothing. Cas, on the other hand, is way too awake. He sees that the light is on under Michael’s door, and thinks about going to him for advice. Gabe is asleep, and Michael’s had his fair share of girlfriends. Cas is almost jealous. He’s always dated perfectly polite good Christian girls who he could bring home to Dad. Michael really is Chuck’s perfect kid. He walks into Michael’s room, not bothering to knock. But he probably should have.

Michael’s shirt is off, and he’s making out with someone with short blond hair. _That’s a guy!_ Cas realizes, trying to stumble out of the room. In his drunken stammer, he knocks over a cup, making his presence known. They pull apart, and Cas realizes that it’s not some guy: it’s Luce. He’s completely frozen like a deer in headlights. “Castiel! Let me explain. Don’t-” Michael calls out. This is the first time Cas has ever seen him look scared. He doesn’t bother to let his older brother finish. Instead, Cas runs out of the room as fast as he can, shutting the door behind him.

 

Castiel doesn’t know what to do. In all honesty, he feels physically ill. He’s nauseous and out of breath from the whirlwind of emotions. He climbs out of the apartment on to the fire escape. He needs air, and that’s the only place he might be left alone. Of course, Michael finds him a few minutes later. He’s put on a tee shirt, but there’s evidence of at least three hickeys on his neck.

“Castiel, please let me explain,” Michael practically begs.

“Explain _what,_ exactly? You give me hell and the whole Jesus speech when not only do you have a thing with a guy as well, that guy is your brother! Your sibling! Now that- that is nasty. Two guys, not so much. You and him, I mean _you and him?_ That’s – that’s disgusting. But you wanna know what’s even worse? Your hypocrisy.” Castiel blurts out in one breath.

“He’s not our brother, Cas.” Michael says quietly. Castiel’s eyes are drawn up. Michael never calls him Cas. “Luce is adopted. You remember mom’s old friend, Zachariah? He's CFO at Dad's company. She mentioned him a lot and they were pretty close at some point. They go _way_ back. But his wife, Luce’s mother, she died during childbirth. And Zachariah, basically didn't want the kid. So Mom and Dad legally adopted him and raised him as their own.”

“How long have you known?”

“Well, that’s the reason I wanted to get so far away from home. I figured there’s no reason that my past could follow me to Kansas. The one time I visited, Mom’s memorial, he told me. We had known that there was something… unorthodox between us for a while, but I refused to act on it. But Dad told Luce about it, and that slightly uncomplicated things.” Michael explains. Castiel closes his eyes and shakes his head, trying to un-see the mental image.

“You’re still a hypocrite, Michael.”

“I am sorry, Castiel. I really, truly am. I know that I couldn’t have been the first to use unkind words towards that… lifestyle. But I really do regret that.” Michael pleads, sounding genuine. He takes a breath before continuing, “Luce is so very complicated. I don’t like men. I’ve only ever dated women; I’ve only ever liked women. I think it’s just him for some reason. I'm still trying to figure a lot of things out. Can I ask that you won’t tell the others?”

“And why would I do that? I don’t owe you anything.” Cas snarls angrily. A part of him urges him to just hear his older brother out, but he’s seeing red.

“I know you don’t. But this family isn’t exactly together at the moment. Everything is, well, shit. If they all knew, then this fight might be the one thing that tears us apart. For good.” Michael’s plea is so desperate and so earnest that Castiel agrees with him.

“Fine,” Cas sighs, “but I’m not doing this for you. I’m doing this for Anna and Gabe.”

“Good night, Castiel.” Michael stands up. He silently says thank you. He was never modest enough to actually have humility, but Cas can tell his does appreciate it. Cas doesn’t feel as reassured. Things have just gotten even _more_ complicated. He just wants to curl up in bed, but he can’t go in. Anna will be up and asking him questions. So instead, he stays outside and tries to even his breathing. He’s not sure how much time passes, but he doesn’t come back inside until he can’t feel his fingers from the autumn chill. He just climbs into bed and falls into a restless, dreamless, sleep.

 

Anna wakes up at eight thirty sharp, again. She makes her bed, changing the sheets like she does weekly. Sunday has always been her favorite day, but recently they’ve been different. Every Sunday, she used to attend church with Father, Gabriel, and a hungover Cas. Even Luce would come. Surprisingly, he took his faith very seriously. They would put on a perfect Christian family act, and go to brunch after at the local diner. Now, Anna cleans, and she’s the one with the pounding headache. The house is in a constant state of clutter, and frankly, it unnerves her. Anna scrubs the two bathrooms, getting rid of the stains from muddy shoes and the residue on the toilet bowl that someone puked up. She throws out the trash and separates the recycling, frowning at the empty bottle of gin. Michael finished it in a week; he’s the only one who drinks that. Anna sometimes complains about being the only one who straightens up (Michael’s been taking extra shifts and spending less time at home), but in all honesty, she finds it therapeutic.

She walks downstairs to put the trash in the bin, and realizes she forgot her keys. She knocks on the door repeatedly until Michael lets her back in. He’s wearing low slung sweatpants, and he has suspicious looking bruises on his hipbone and all over his throat. Anna raises an eyebrow, and he just pulls up his pants in return, cheeks filling with color. Once back inside, he hands her a glass of ice water and two Advils. She smiles in appreciation, and sighs.

“Rough night?” Michael asks, sitting down at the kitchen table next to her. The chair groans in protest.

Anna just shrugs. “It was pretty fun. You know, Kansas doesn’t suck too much.” They both laugh, but Michael’s face falls.

“Can I ask you something serious? Did Castiel-”, Michael corrects himself, “ _Cas_ say anything to you last night?”

“No, he came in after I was already asleep. I think he was gonna talk to you. Something about needing romantic advice.” Anna smirks. “Speaking of, when do we get to meet your… whoever gave those to you?”

“Maybe one day, Anna. I think we have a bit too much going on at the moment.”

 

Castiel wakes up with two good morning texts from Dean. _Dean Winchester!_ Memories of last night flood back, Michael and Luce, and all the fall out, but also the party and kissing – a _lot_ of kissing. Cas doesn’t know how he’s going to be able to look either of them in the eye. He shoots a quick text to Dean:

**Cas: Wanna grab coffee or something?**

The response is almost instantaneous.

**Dean: I thought you’d never ask. I've been meaning to check out the place on 4 th and Main? How’s 12?**

**Cas: Sounds great. I’ll see you then. :)**

He gets dressed quickly and is almost out the door when he sees Anna and Michael talking about something. They both laugh, but Michael stops when he sees his younger brother. “Where are you going?” He asks. Castiel turns around, meeting Michael’s gaze. He drops his eyes.

“Out.” The younger brother responds coolly. Anger boils inside him. _Who does he think he is, to ask where I’m going? He’s not Dad._

“I’d like a little more detail if that’s alright with you.” Michael asks. It’s not a request, but rather, an order

“Not that it’s any of your business, but I have plans with a friend. I don’t ask what you do in your spare time and it’d be nice if you extended that courtesy to me.” Cas remarks. Anna’s face pales. Nobody talks to Michael like that. “Now, I’ll be leaving.”

Castiel gets to the coffee shops a few minutes early. It seems nice enough, light indie music, dim lighting, and comfortable-looking chairs. It's empty except for a few students huddled around a laptop in the front. He gets a large herbal tea, hoping it will soothe the dull throbbing in his temple and slightly sore throat. He adjusts his green cardigan, fidgeting with the top button. _Why do you care so much, Cas? It’s just coffee._ Cas doesn’t notice Dean walk in until he sits down across from him, wearing a leather jacket that looks a size too big.

“Hey there.” Dean smiles, munching on a pastry. He leans in close enough for the other boy to notice all the freckles scattered across his nose and cheeks.

“Hey, yourself.”

They talk comfortably for a while, but eventually Dean asks, “So, what made you ask me for coffee? Was it my incredibly good looks and charm, or something else altogether?”

“I wanted to see your beautiful face, of course.” Castiel remarks. _Did I just call him beautiful?_ He hopes it passes for sarcasm and not seriousness. “But also, in all honesty I just needed to get out of my house.” He says it before he can stop himself.

“Family issues, hm?” Dean asks, “Been there. It sucks, man.”

“Something like that. My family has a lot of secrets.”

“Yeah, I’ve heard the rumors.” Dean mutters, taking a sip from his mug. When he sees Cas’ paniced expression, he quickly amends, “Nothing too bad, really. It’s just the usual small town gossip, especially since your Dad’s important in the buisness world or something. We don’t get that many new people. I mean really? Lawrence of all places.”

Castiel lets out a breath he didn’t know he was holding in. "I know, not the most lively place. My brother went to KU and has an apartment here, so we’re all staying with him.” He has no idea why he’s telling all of this to a virtual stranger, but something about Dean seems trustworthy.

“That must be a really big change. Sorry.” Dean frowns, eyebrows furrowing.

Castiel winces. He doesn’t want sympathy. So he does the only thing he can do, which is change the topic. “So, what about you? What’s your story?”

The blond boy leans back, shrugging. “Nothing all that interesting, really. Lived here my whole life. You’ve met Sammy. My dad’s a mechanic and my mom’s a lawyer. She works at the local firm. My dad works with Mr. Singer; they’ve been friends for a long time. It’s a family business of sorts. Sammy wants to go to law school, but I think I’ll stay here. Though I’d probably be a pretty good engineer.” He smiles almost sadly. “So, how many Novaks are there anyways? I still can’t believe Anna and you are twins.”

Castiel laughs. “We actually look pretty similar when her hair is a natural color. Gabe’s a senior, like you. My brother Nick – we call him by his middle name, Luce – is nineteen, and Michael’s twenty-two. My Aunt Rachel’s kids – let’s see. Hester’s twenty-five, Bart’s twenty, Rafael and Inias are seventeen, Naomi’s fifteen, and Uriel – wow. Today’s his eleventh birthday. I should call him.” Castiel reminds himself. “You should’ve seen the weekly family dinners. My Dad’s side is really religious, so they all have like five kids.”

“Jeez.” Dean exhales, smiling a little. “Wait, do they know about you – I mean when I told my dad I was gay he threw a shit fit. But I think he’s gotten over it. Still think’s its some form of teenage rebellion. I don’t really care anymore in all honesty. He’ll come around, or he won’t.”

Castiel gulps. All this crap started when Dad found him and Samandriel in a… compromising situation. “My siblings know I’m bi. They’re all pretty cool with it. I didn’t tell my dad, but I’m pretty sure he had his suspicions.” It’s not a lie.

“Okay. Cause I like you a lot Cas. I think there might be something else there too.” Dean admits, sounding almost vulnerable. He can tell that Dean is not an emotional guy. He’s pretty sure Dean would even laugh and call this a ‘chick flick moment’.

“I know what you mean.” Cas agrees. _When did you start having feelings for people?_ Cas scoffs at himself internally. _Then again, you never really sought out more than a quick fuck, ever._ They chat for a bit, and he finishes his tea.

Dean puts down his cup, sighing. “Wanna get out of here?”

 

They go everywhere they could think of – an abandoned playground where they swing until they almost go over the top of the swing set, the last twenty minutes of some B-rated action movie, and after that, they just drive around in Dean’s Baby, a 1967 Chevy Impala. Cas shares some of his private school horror stories, and Dean complains about the public education system. Eventually, Dean offers to drive him home. That’s when Cas checks the time on his phone. It’s been _hours_ , and it’s almost four. He has three voicemails from Michael and a text from Anna. He responds, telling her she’s fine, but doesn’t bother to listen to the messages from his older brother.

The drive back to the Novaks’ apartment is only half an hour, but Cas thinks he learns the most about Dean in that time. He can rebuild a car from scratch, only listens to classic rock (they finally agree on Zeppelin), and Castiel even gets the feeling that there’s been quite a few people in the back seat.

“So, this it?” Dean asks him, pulling up in front of the building.

“Yup,” Cas responds. Dean unlocks the doors, and Cas starts to get up but then stops. “I’m not leaving without a goodbye kiss,” he teases.

“Fair enough.” Dean fakes indifference. He leans in towards Cas, their lips barely brushing. Their noses bump and Cas can’t help but chuckle. Cas pulls him closes by the collar of that stupid leather jacket, and their lips crash together. His mouth is wet and warm and Cas is pretty sure it’s the best thing he’s ever tasted. Dean tugs on his hair and the blue-eyed boy gasps. After a while, Castiel reluctantly pulls away, gasping for breath. His hair is mussed up and his cheeks are flushed.

“Wow.” Dean whispers. “We should definitely do this again sometime.”

“I’ll see you tomorrow.” Cas responds, smiling. He waits until Dean is inside before going inside, taking the stairs two at a time.

 

When Castiel gets upstairs, his bombardment is less severe than he expected it to be. He can hear Michael and Luce yelling from inside Mike’s bedroom, so just Anna and Gabe are waiting for him on the sofa. His little sister clears her throat when he tries to walk past. He sits down on the duct-taped covered lawn chair next to the 90’s television.

“So, how was your date?” Anna asks, arms folded. At first, Castiel is worried that she’s angry, but from the look on her and Gabe’s faces, they’re just curious.

“It was fun. I think it might have been a real date.” He responds, grinning. He feels like a twelve-year-old girl at a slumber party.

“We’re glad you had fun, Cassie. But we have a real question. Why the fuck did you need to get out of the house so badly? Sure, we’re not the Brady Bunch, but you yelled. You yelled at Michael at all people. You used to _idolize_ him.” Gabe points out. Castiel can count on one hand the number of times his brother has been serious about something for more than a few seconds. It must be pretty bad. _If only he knew,_ Cas thinks. “As soon as you left, Luce woke up and they’ve been screaming since.”

He decides to listen to the first voicemail.

_“Hey, Castiel. It’s Michael. Just let me know what’s going on, alright? I know you’re mad about last night, and that’s completely understandable, but just please come home and hear me out. We’ll talk whenever you feel like it. I really am sorry.”_

Gabe takes his phone to put the second one on speaker, “Don’t.” Cas warns him, but his older brother ignores him.

_“Hey again. It’s still me, Michael. Please, we need to talk about this. So, what? I’ll admit it – I’m a hypocrite. Nobody’s perfect. I am sorry Castiel; I really am. Just don’t tell Anna or Gabriel. I haven’t seen them in years, and I want them to think of me as family again. I want to make this right. Just come home soon.”_

Anna frowns, “Tell us what, exactly?”

Cas sighs. “Well, shit. He _did_ just tell me not to tell you.” Gabe plays the third and final voicemail. This one is from Michael’s phone as well, but it’s Luce.

_“Okay, baby brother. It’s very simple. You tell a soul about what happened with Mikey, and I’ll make sure everyone knows why our father left. And why he won’t be back home any time soon.”_

Nobody speaks for a very long time, until Anna stands up and leaves the room. Castiel doesn’t make eye contact with either of them. She comes back with her two oldest brothers. Michael looks like he has a black eye forming, and the knuckles on Luce’s right hand are all cut up. Cas frowns. That relationship seems  _especially_  screwed up, since they seem to get physically violent a lot.

“We listened to Cas’ voicemails.” Anna frowns, sitting back down. “No more secrets. Can we all just be up front for once? Please, tell us everything.” Michael leans against the wall, and Luce sits on the other chair.

“I guess I’ll start with Dad. You were out, and so was Gabe. Dad wasn’t supposed to be back for at least a few more hours. Samandriel and I were hanging out-” Cas starts.

“The altar boy?” Gabe asks. Luce laughs.

“Yeah. He’s sixteen so it’s not really _boy_. Anyways, he kind of walked in on us.”

“Walked in on…?” Anna asks.

“Wow, you’re really _that_ naïve?” Luce shakes his head, “He was fucking the altar boy.” Michael makes a choking noise.

“Yeah. He was furious. Dumped a tub of holy water on us. Threatened to send me to some gay-away camp. That’s when Luce stepped in. He told me he’d take care of it. They screamed for a bit, and that’s the last I saw of Dad.”

Michael’s calmness is eerie. When he gets like this, it means he’s furious. Eventually he asks in a quiet, severe tone, “And what does _taking care of it_ entail?”

Luce puts his hands up defensively, something like fear in his eyes. “Just listen, Mikey. Okay, so I did a bit of digging into my past, and after mom died, I found out that I was adopted. I never brought it up. But when Dad was yelling at us I pointed out that he’s treating me better than his own son, his _real_ son, and I wouldn’t stand for that. I couldn’t let that happen. He said that he was going out for a bit because he couldn’t look at me and that he’d talk when he got back. And he never came back. In all honesty, I think the old man was looking for an excuse to leave.” Luce’s lip trembles, and he grips the edge of the coffee table with his good hand, knuckles turning white. That’s when it hits Castiel. _He’s not scared of what Michael can do. Luce will always be worse. But he’s scared of losing him. Luce loves him._ Cas inhales sharply. He doesn’t know what to do with that information.

“You made him leave!” Mike protests.

“I was standing up for them – for our family. Since nobody else will!” Luce yells back.

“That wouldn’t have made Dad leave. What else did you say?” Michael asks, voice dropping.

“If you’re asking about _that,_ I might have hinted at it.” Luce admits.

“You _hinted at it?_ ” Michael asks slowly, anger boiling.

Anna puts her hand up and clucks her tongue. “This is what we meant by no more secrets. You can’t just do this.”

“Some things are better left alone.” Michael pleads.

“Anna, don’t do this.” Cas whispers.

“What so now _you’re_ defending him?”

“Enough!” Gabe yells, standing up. The room goes silent. He never yells. “This needs to stop. I’m going for a walk. I can’t live like this. We need to stop tearing at each other’s throats. If you really care about family as much as you say you do, then you would realize this is… breaking my heart.” He grabs his coat and walks out.

 

Gabriel walks out of the house, anger rolling off him in waves. He doesn’t have issues with secrets. There’s a good reason for keeping something hidden in the first place. He knows he’s not angry with anyone – he can’t even remember the last time he was actually angry (he can, it was when Mom died because Luce decided he should run a red light) but rather, he’s upset and hurt. When Luce said whatever he said to Dad, he didn’t care about Anna or him, or even Castiel. He was just being selfish. They throw around the word family like it means anything, but in the end they just use each other as means to some end.

He pulls out half a Snickers from his jacket pocket and takes a large bite. The candy doesn’t make him feel better. He spits the chocolate out in a garbage can and throws the rest of the bar into the street. He realizes that his hands are pink from the cold, and decides to head back inside. He knows that running away from problems never fixes anything. He does feel a pang of sadness, since he knows what will be waiting for him. Michael and Luce will be screaming or not talking to each other, Cas will be sulking in his room and Anna will be silent, watching everything fall apart but being incapable of doing anything about it. _Like always._ He’s half-right.

Michael’s gone out, and based on the smell coming from Luce’s – _his_ – room, Luce is getting high _. You’d think he’d have the decency to keep that shit away from Cas,_ Gabe fumes. There’s loud music blaring from Cas’ room and Anna is waiting for him. Her eyes look a little puffy, and she’s has her painted toenails on the makeshift coffee table.

“Wanna talk?” She asks quietly, dog-earing the page of her book and putting it down. Gabe just nods and sits down, taking a sip of her peppermint tea. She never minds.

“I dunno, Anna. This,” he motions at the apartment, “whatever this _family_ pretends to be is too much drama. We’re just a bomb waiting to go off. Sometimes, I wanna run away.”

“Like Michael ran away?” Anna asks, raising an eyebrow. Gabe shrugs. “I know what you mean. But I don’t think it would solve anything.”

“You’re right,” Gabe admits, shrugging. “Wow, so Luce is adopted. I never even… I guess that explains the blond hair. You know what? We never got to interrogate Cas about his date.” They both grin widely, and practically skip into Cas’ bedroom.

 

Michael and Luce are not brothers. They’re a lot of things: family, best friends, worst enemies, a shoulder to lean (or cry) on, and more recently, lovers. But they are definitely not that. Or at least that’s what Michael keeps telling himself. Luce paces around Michael’s room restlessly, trying to think. They’ve stopped yelling, and both have hoarse throats at this point. Luce’s red eyes sure-as-hell aren’t from crying, and Michael’s too tired to be mad at him for that.

“Would you stop that?” Michael snaps, visibly annoyed.

“Michael. I was thinking-” Luce starts, sounding serious.

“Oh, well that’s a first.” Michael retorts meanly. He’s annoyed and frustrated and angry, and it’s easiest for him to take it out on the nearest person. He knows it’s misguided but can’t bring himself to care.

“Seriously, Mikey. What if we just told them? I mean, Castiel already knows, and Gabe is more than aware that I rarely ever sleep in our room. Surely, he doesn’t think it’s because I don’t want to wake him up when I get in late. Say what you want about Anna, but she’s not an idiot. I don’t doubt that she can put two and two together.”

“But it’s sin.” Michael protests. His voice is barely above a whisper, almost as if he’s scared of saying what he does out loud because that might make it real.

“Well. If it bothers you _that_ much, next time you’re on your knees, pray for forgiveness instead of sucking me off.” Luce remarks. It comes out meaner than he intended. _Besides, it’s lust that’s a sin, not love,_ he adds silently. _Did you just say love?_ He shakes his head, trying to physically clear his mind. It won’t work; this is far from the first time he’s tried.

“I’ll think about what you said.” Michael tentatively agrees. After a pause, he adds, “But what exactly are we?”

“Not-siblings who were raised as siblings who fuck each other?” Luce suggests, “On second thought, that doesn’t really have a nice ring to it.”

“No,” Michael sighs, running a hand through his hair, “I mean we’re not _dating_ , and we’re not in love or something. If we didn’t live together I would say that you’re a casual screw.”

“I guess that’s all I am to you.” Luce mutters sadly. He stops himself, covering it up with anger and indifference, as usual. “Whatever.”

“That’s not what I meant.” Michael amends.

“No, it’s _exactly_ what you meant.” Luce responds. He slams the door so hard that the wall shakes. He’s just glad it’s almost seven so he can head into work.

It’s a Sunday night, and the bar is virtually empty. There’s the same regulars: a handful of rednecks at the back, the kindergarten teacher with pink highlights who spills her whole life story every night after the third drink, and the mechanic (Luce thinks his name is James or Joe, he can’t remember, but definitely starts with a J) who always is complaining about his “faggot son”. Besides them, it’s a slow night. He spends most of his time flirting with the waitress Abby Masters. She’s pretty (and Luce always had a thing for redheads), and they’re the only ones in the whole place. She’s tough as nails and doesn’t take anyone’s shit, which he admires. If they close up half an hour early and he fucks her in the storage closet, well that’s nobody’s business. And who cares if he thinks of Michael the whole time? When Luce gets home, he makes as much noise as possible so Michael will wake up. When he does, he sees the hickeys and red lipstick all over Luce’s chest, and just goes back to bed. It’s petty, but he wants to make Michael jealous. For the first time in two months, Luce sleeps alone.

 

Castiel wakes up before his alarm goes off. He’s actually excited to go to school today. His mind is filled with a bombardment of _Dean Dean Dean._ He hums while making his shitty instant coffee, and doesn’t even grimace when he tastes that he accidentally added Anna’s organic sweetener instead of real sugar. He can’t stop grinning the whole car ride.

Gabriel meets his eyes in the rear-view mirror at a light, and his brows furrow in confusion. “Who the hell are you and what have you done with my brother?”

“Don’t be mean. He’s in _loooove_.” Anna teases. Castiel can’t even bring himself to scowl or roll his eyes. By the time they get to the school parking lot, he’s on a cloud. His usually tired eyes are wide and bright.

By the time second period rolls around, he’s more than restless. Luckily, Ms. Barnes, their Psychology teacher isn’t here today. Dean plops down next to him, ignoring whatever the substitute was saying. She leaves she room to make copies of a worksheet.

“Psst.” Dean whispers to the shorter boy.

“Hello Dean,” Castiel looks up and meets green eyes. “How are you?”

“Better now that I’m over here,” he admits, “If I had to listen to that dumbass Gordon Walker speak for another minute I might have smacked him.”

It’s common knowledge that Gordon and Dean don’t get along. They used to be friendly, but from what Castiel has heard, they had a pretty bad falling out a few years back.

“Hey faggot.” Gordon shouts across the room. Both Dean and Castiel turn around. _Force of habit,_ Cas thinks. “Stop pestering the new kid.”

“I’ve been here for almost two months. Not exactly new.” Castiel responds, sighing.

Gordon stands up, walking over to their desks, which have been pushed together. “Sorry, is he bothering you? We can get rid of the homo. I heard he harassed you on Saturday. Can’t you just leave the fresh meat alone?”

Dean clenches his fists under the desk in anger. Castiel understands what Dean meant; he really wants to wipe that smug smile off Gordon’s face. But he promised himself (and more importantly, Anna) that he would try to not get in trouble here. So he does the next best thing he can thank of. He grabs the back of Dean’s worn-in plaid shirt in his fist and kisses him hard. For a second he’s worried that he’s made a mistake, but after a moment the taller boy reciprocates and then they quickly pull away, to Cas’ reluctance.

“Sorry, you were saying?” Castiel asks, smirking.

“I’m gonna be sick.” Gordon rushes out of the room.

“Sorry Dean.”

The blond sits up straight, looking him in the eye. “Don’t ever apologize for that, okay?”

Castiel beams at that ( _Get yourself together, Novak. You’re fucking beaming_ ) and then quickly realizes he must be going soft. For some reason, that doesn’t seem like the worst thing in the world anymore.

By lunch, everyone in the school has heard about the kiss. Gossip spreads like wildfire in any school, Cas knows that, but he didn’t expect this to be a big deal. Most people knew about Dean’s sexuality, but PDA was unheard of between _two guys._ It’s only three periods later at lunch when Cas is smoking a Marlboro by the tree behind the school waiting for Meg or someone that Gabriel comes up to him to break the news. His older brother frowns at the cigarette.

“Hey Gabe.” Cas is honestly a bit surprised to see him. He usually keeps his distance from ‘the twins’ at school. “To what do I owe this visit?”

“You know, you’ve started some gay anarchist free love revolution.” Gabriel informs him, looking oddly proud. He takes a bite out of his chocolate bar. “I’m proud of how I raised you, just saying/"

“I have absolutely no idea what you’re talking about.” Castiel admits, accidentally exhaling smoke in his brother’s face.

Gabe’s eyes widen in confusion, followed by a loud cough. “You mind?” he frowns, “ _Aaanyways._ You- wow. Making out with your boyfriend in front of the jock assholes or whatever. Don’t you watch Anna’s high school dramas? That’s the best kind of ‘fuck you’, Cassie.”

“Really?”                                                       

“Yes, really,” Gabe deadpans, patting Castiel on the top of his head. He pulls the cigarette out of his mouth and throws it on the ground. “Now stop that.”

“Or what, you’ll tell Dad?” Cas quips, smirking. After a moment, he realizes that it wasn’t funny.

Gabe’s face falters from its usual joking expression. “Damn it, Castiel. I care about you. Is that so hard to believe?”

“Sorry.”

Gabe’s phone chimes. He takes it out of his pocket and instantly, his smile is back in place. In that moment, he realizes how fake his brother’s happiness is. He wonders if his Gabe is always hurting this much. Laughter may be the best medicine, but he’s too busy trying to keep everyone else happy to help himself.

“See ya later, baby bro”, Gabe waves, walking away. He leaves his empty candy wrapper on the grass.

 

Castiel’s friends show up over the course of a few minutes. Meg has her tongue down Crowley’s throat while Balthazar is on the phone, yelling at someone in French. Ruby is the first to comment on the new drama.

“So I guess I’m not the only one with a thing for a Winchester,” she smirks. Balthazar spits out his mouthful of overpriced sparkling lemonade, and promptly hangs up his phone.

“You’re appalling.”

She shrugs, “What? He looks… corruptible. The younger sibs always are.” Ruby cocks her head at Meg, who’s too busy to respond.

“Speaking of younger siblings, can I ask about yours, Cassie?” the blond asks him.

“Shoot.” Castiel nods, pulling a slightly crushed can of Sprite from his bag.

“Would you be heartbroken if I asked her to dinner?”

Castiel puts a hand over his heart, pretending to be crushed. “I suppose I’ll live.”

“Balthazar, classy as always. Who would’ve thought you were a gentleman,” Ruby jokes, pulling her hair up into a messy bun.

“I doubt you’ll last long with any lady.” Crowley laughs, pulling away from Meg. “Besides, who’s giving you advice? These two are no help.”

“Bela.”

“You’re kidding right? She’s a bloody witch.” Crowley’s lip upturns in disgust.

“I think you mispronounced that. And she’s your sister.” Balthazar sighs. “Besides, we go way back.”

“I know, private school buddies. My condolences.” Crowley looks like he’s about to say more, but he stops short.

Someone puts their hands over Castiel’s eyes. “Guess who?”

He’d recognize that voice anywhere. “Hello, Dean.”

“Mind if I sit with you?” he asks.

“Please,” Meg smiles, moving over on to Crowley’s lap to make room for the jock.

“You two are gross.” Cas grimaces.

“You’re welcome to join anytime, love.” Crowley teases. Dean’s grip tightens on his boyfriend’s thigh. Castiel just winks in response at the freckled boy, who blushes.

“Wanna share?” Dean asks him, pulling out a paper bag. Castiel’s smile falters. He hasn’t had a packed lunch since his mother died.

“Pie, really?”

“Don’t hate on my pie, man!” Dean answers, mouth full of food. He manages to get red filling all over his upper lip.

“You have a little-” Castiel points at him, but he misses. He sighs, and wipes it off with the pad of his thumb. He licks the cherry filling off and its so good he almost _moans._ “You’re right, it’s pretty good.”

Dean kisses him. He tastes like coffee and pie and something just so _Dean_ that Cas can’t put a finger on. “Not as sweet as you though,” Dean whispers against his lips.

“Oh, we’re the gross ones?” Meg raises an eyebrow.

“Get a room you two!” Ruby rolls her thickly lined eyes. Dean smirks at his boyfriend in response. They stand up and hand in hand, walk back into the building. Luckily, they find an opened janitors closet.

If they show up ten minutes late for their next class, it’s nobody’s business.

 


	3. October, Part 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things get sad. Sorry in advanced.

Michael and Luce are still barely speaking. They’re sharing a room at Anna’s request: she can’t get any work done sharing a room with Cas, so he moved his mattress into Gabriel’s room, and now Luce is sharing a bed with Michael. He either wakes up with his arms and legs wrapped around his older brother’s warm back, or on the floor at some impossible angle. The tension hasn’t gone unnoticed.

“So what’s up with Mike and Luce this time?” Gabe asks his younger brother one day. They’re sitting in their bedroom, listening to the xx. The quiet music is enough to provide background noise without being too intrusive. Cas is staring at a yellowish spot on the ceiling while Gabe sucks on a lollypop.

The question catches him off-guard. Cas sits up and takes the needle off the record. He half dodges the question by asking him, “Hm? Why d’you ask?”

His older brother sits up and moves onto Cas’ bed with a plop. “You’re gonna think I’m crazy, but whatever. The first couple of nights, I thought that it was because he gets home so late. Weird hours, you know. But when his bed was here, he didn’t sleep in it, ever.”

“What are you getting at?”

“I think they’re… involved.” Gabe mutters, “I mean he’s adopted so it’s less weird I guess. But it’s still  _ugh._ I don’t even want to picture that. I think I’m just jumping to conclusions, but what if I’m right? That’s really fucked up.”

Castiel says nothing. Gabe keeps staring at him.

“You know something, don’t you? I know that look, Cas.”

He decides to spill.

“A while back, I saw  _something._  That day there was the huge fight and you asked what I wasn’t telling you. I walked in on them making out. Michael tried to explain, but I mean, how do you even explain that?”

Gabriel is silent. After a moment, he looks up and groans. “Ugh. I mean, that’s really  _ew._ ”

“Tell me about it.”

“That’s like walking in on your parents!”

“They kind of are like our parents…” Cas mused. “I mean, even when Mom was alive and our Father was around, they were the ones who  _raised_ us.”

“Still. Ugh.” Gabriel shudders, “So what now?”

“Nothing.”

“ _Nothing?_ "

“I mean as nasty as it is, that’s their issue. I mean, how do you even bring that up in a conversation?  _Hey, Luce, can you pass me the peas? Oh by the way I know you’re sleeping with your brother._ No, it just… no.”

“Should we tell Anna?”

“I dunno. It’s gonna blow up eventually, so we might as well brace for impact.” Cas suggests. It’s the same thing they always do.

Gabriel nods, pondering the suggestion. Castiel can practically see the gears in his brother’s brain turning as he weighs the pros and cons of their situation. Finally, he answers: “No.”

Castiel looks perplexed. “I don’t understand.”

“I’m saying no.” Gabe clarifies. His brother still looks perplexed. After a minute, he continues, “Cassie, I’m tired of all the secrets. It’s not fair to anyone, especially me. I’m kind of the family doormat. And it’s about time I stand up for what’s best. We’re gonna rip this band-aid off and get it over with. The sooner we air this out, the sooner we can move on.”

Castiel smiles proudly. “I’m with you one-hundred percent.” The glimmer of pride in his eyes is enough to convince Gabriel that his brother is being honest.

“Okay, let’s go.” Gabe stands up.

Cas looks taken aback. “You mean right now?”

“No time like the present. That was kinda the whole point of that little speech.”

Gabe walks out into the kitchen, his brother trailing behind reluctantly. He picks up the pot that’s drying on the dish rack and grabs a metal spoon, banging them together loudly. “Family meeting! Get your asses out here!”

Anna comes into the living room first. She looks mildly annoyed. Her newly dark brown hair (she died it back last Tuesday) is down in front of her face, instead of in its usual perfect ponytail. She pushes her secretary glasses up the bridge of her nose.

“What’s going on?” she asks.

Michael and Luce come out a moment later. Gabe notices how their lips are puffy and almost appear to be bruised. He sends a frown to his younger brother.

“We’re having a ‘family meeting’ apparently.” Luce deadpans, using air quotes.

“Sorry, was I interrupting something?” Gabe fires back. Michael’s deep blush answers that question better than any verbal response could. “Before we start, does anyone have anything to share with the class?”

“I’m confused.” Michael sighs.

“I was doing a bit of thinking – Luce, you should try it sometime – and I wondered why we can’t all just get along? And, basically we just need to be honest with each other. It’s that easy. So, I figured we could all come clean. How does that sound?”

Nobody responds.

“Balthazar and I are official?” Anna announces after a few awkward moments of silence. Her uncertainty has nothing to do with Michael’s overprotectiveness and everything to do with that it’s clearly not what Gabriel was going for.

“That’s wonderful, Anna.” Michael smiles.

“When do we get to meet your girlfriend?” Anna teases, lightly.

Luce makes a surprised hiccup. The room is silent for a good minute. Finally, Luce leans back on the sofa and sighs, head falling back. “Wow. That’s just… wow. I don’t even know how to respond to that.”

Michael shoots him a wary look. Cas isn’t even sure if he wants to laugh, or if he’s dying of secondhand embarrassment on Michael’s part.

“It’s not even a secret anymore. We should just tell them.”

Michael squints and closes his fist so hard the knuckle turns white. He gets the tick in his jaw that usually tells everyone else to stay away. “ _We_? Really, you’re going to say we? Because last time I checked, there wasn’t a ‘we’. And that was your fault.”

Luce sits up straighter and crosses his arms. “My fault? You’re the one who said that we were-”

He cuts himself off abruptly, realizing that the three youngest Novaks are just staring at the two of them.

“Why do I feel like I’m the only one who has no idea what’s going on?” Anna asks, her voice barely above a whisper.

“I’m just as confused right now as you are.” Gabe lies. Anna nods slowly. She feels better, but then looks at Castiel, tilting her head.

“You know something,” she accuses, “and don’t lie. I  _know_  you, Cas. Don’t try to pull this shit. It’s not fair!” The execution makes her sound almost like a whiny child, but the way her voice cracks on the last word just shows how hurt she is.

Michael stands up. He’s not sure if he’s angry or just tired. It doesn’t matter. He’s just so done with the games. He hates lying, he hates being a hypocrite, and he hates how bad he feels. The worst part for him is that after everything, he doesn’t even regret Luce.  _Screw it,_  Michael thinks,  _I have nothing to lose anymore._

“I need to be honest, so please just hear me out. I just got you guys back in my life, and I don’t want to lose you all again. Especially you, Anna. I let you down when you needed me to be there. And Gabe, you just get neglected. Maybe it’s the whole middle-child syndrome but I should have taken better care of you. And Castiel, you especially know I have a lot to apologize for.”

“What are you getting at?” Luce cuts in.

“I don’t know, Luce.” Michael admits. He stops himself and whispers  _oh._ They can almost see the lightbulb light up over his head.He finally understands himself. “I’m in love with you.”

Luce just stands up and walks into his and Michael’s room, slamming the door.

Anna furrows her brows, and then finally gets it. “Oh. Michael, you’re joking, right?” When she realizes he’s deadly serious, she frowns. “I’ll be in my room.”

Michael sits back down, hand in his heads. “Are you happy now?” he asks Gabe. He says nothing in return, but just pats his older brother on the back.

When it’s just Castiel and Michael, the younger finally speaks. “You know, he loves you too. You just need to treat him like a boyfriend or whatever. Cause you treat us all like we’re responsibilities or children. Just try, and I think you’ll be okay.”

Michael lifts his head up, surprised. “You mean that?”

Cas nods in response.

“Thank you,” Michael says, surprising both of them.

As soon as Michael leaves the room, Cas sighs. When did he become a couple’s counselor?

 

The next week flies by in a blur. Gabriel spends all of his time with Kali or working on his college applications. Anna’s busy with school and debate and Balthazar (who Cas threatens to kill on a daily basis). Luce works weird shifts, and spends most of his time avoiding Michael, uncomfortable with the revelation. He feels frustrated.  _I love him, he loves me, isn’t this shit supposed to be simple?_  He muses, annoyed. He can’t bring himself to flirt with Abby, and she even catches on that something’s up.

Cas is the only one having a good week. His grades aren’t shit, and on top of that he has Dean and real friends. He’s not used to this, but he doesn’t mind at all. Dean’s mother, Mary, always offers him a warm bed and slice of pie if things get too rough. He hasn’t told Dean that his two older brothers are officially out in the family with their whatever that relationship is, but he can tell that Cas is off. He doesn’t approve of it, hell, Castiel thinks it’s nasty, but Luce might be the only person who can balance Michael out.  _When they’re together,_ Cas tries to rationalize it to himself,  _at least they’re not ripping out each other’s throats._

Of course, in typical Novak fashion, nothing decent ever lasts long.

 

It’s a Saturday afternoon and everyone is home. Anna’s sitting at the kitchen table, reading the Times. She sips her tea quietly, enjoying the rare moment of tranquility. Gabe is across from her, trying to tackle the crossword puzzle. Castiel is in his and Gabe’s room, trying to figure out what to wear. Dean is coming over later to hang out. Anna smiles at that,  _they grow up so fast._  She may be younger than him, but she is the mother figure of the family, so she feels a lot older.

Gabe asks a question, pulling her out of her thoughts. “Where are Luce and Mike?”

“They’re still asleep,” Anna shrugs, looking back down at the article. She frowns. Michael never sleeps past nine. They meet each other’s eyes and share a knowing look. Gabe grimaces.

There’s a knock on the door. Anna sighs –  _the doorbell must be broken again_ – and adds that to her list of things to get to. “Hold on, Winchester!” She shouts, standing up. She swings open the door, expecting to see her brother’s boyfriend. Instead, she’s met with the face of a stranger.

“Agent Turner. FBI.” A gruff-looking tall man announces, holding out a badge. “May I come in?”

She looks up, surprised.  _Shit!_  Anna thinks,  _what did Luce do now?_ She tries to improvise, “Are you  _sure_  you’re at the right place?” Her fingers toy with the hem of her tank top nervously.

“Michael Novak, apartment 6B.” Agent Turner pulls out a white paper with a copy of Michael’s lease. It doesn’t go unnoticed by Anna that it’s from a file labeled CHARLES NOVAK.

“Yeah, that’s the right place.”

“Is now an alright time? It’s kind of an urgent matter. If Mr. Novak is home, I’d like to speak with him.”

Anna stands up straighter, and opens the door to let him in. “Let me get him. I think he’s asleep.” She shows him into the sitting area, where Gabe looks up from the crossword puzzle. His eyes meet his sister’s in a worried glance. She shrugs in response.

Anna makes her way down the fairly short hallway, practically stomping as to make her presence known by Michael and Luce. The latter of those two swings open the door at the end of the hallway, looking seriously pissed. Anna can’t take him seriously because of the serious bedhead he’s currently sporting. “Damn it Gabe, shut the hell up!” he starts.

She responds by shushing him and virtually pushing him back into Michael’s room. She closes the door behind herself and points back to the living room.

“There is a man,” she whisper-yells, “out there from the FBI! I don’t know what happened, but he wants to talk to you, Mike.”

Michael sits up, groaning. For some reason or another (Anna is very sure she doesn’t want to know) he’s lying on the floor. “Go outside and offer him water? I’ll be out in a sec.”

Luce walks out with Anna and offers the Agent some tea, since he was about to make a pot of Earl Grey. Gabe manages to stifle a laugh. At Anna’s glare, he excuses himself to finish his homework.

After a minute of awkward silence, Michael makes his way to the kitchen table smelling of Luce’s Old Spice and something Anna  _prays_  isn’t sex (but it’s the best assumption since it smells a lot like what Cas usually smells like). He smiles his trademark pretty-boy smile and extends his right hand. “Agent.”

“I take it you’re Michael.” Agent Turner responds, shaking his hand. He sits back down and takes a sip of his tea. He smiles thankfully at Luce. “Would you mind if I spoke to your brother in private for a moment?”

“Actually, if you’re going to tell me something of import I think it would be best if everyone is here. Is that alright?”

The Agent shrugs. “It’s fine with me.”

Michael nods at Anna, who scurries down the hallway to drag Cas and Gabe out of their bedroom. They follow her out a moment later. Gabe’s expression is unreadable but Castiel is thoroughly confused. Once everyone is seated at the small, circular table, Agent Turner speaks.

“I’m going to make this as cut-and-dry as possible for ya kids, since I can’t imagine this is easy,” the gruff man says, pulling out the same folder Anna saw earlier, “we need to talk about your father now.”

The expressions around the table vary. Gabe and Anna sigh in relief, Castiel just hiccups, Luce raises a blond eyebrow, and Michael looks like he doesn’t know what to think.

“Well where is he?” Anna asks eagerly.

“St. Bart’s hospital. It’s about a forty-five minute drive from here.”

“Is he alright?”

Rufus looks up, meeting Anna’s eyes. His face flashes with concern. “They didn’t call you? Jerry was supposed to send someone by yesterday or the day before… shit.”

“Agent?” Gabe asks.

“Your father’s  _body_  was found on Tuesday outside your old home in San Francisco. Local PD determined it was a suicide. I’m really sorry – I was under the impression that they had already sent someone.”

Nobody speaks for a very long time.

Gabe finally asks, “Well, um, isn’t this kind of thing not usually FBI-level?”

“It usually isn’t, even for cases with notable figures. It wasn’t… at least, until they found the note and will.” He notices everyone’s blank stares and looks down. “I should come back later. Are you around tomorrow?”

Michael just nods in response.

Gabe looks up and sighs, “Hey, would you mind seeing yourself out?”

Once the agent is outside, the reality of the situation finally sets in.

Anna is the first to break the silence, filling in the hollow spaces with syllables as if she could patch up the wound with words. “So, that’s it? He’s gone?” Her voice cracks on the last syllable, and it makes Gabe want to scoop her up and hold her tightly. He tried to hard to protect her from all of this – pain, sadness, heartbreak and worse – but he obviously didn’t do a good job of it.

“I guess so.” Gabe mumbles in response. They had been living with the slightest glimmer of hope that their dad would knock on the door one day, and things would go back to exactly as they were.

“Am I the only one being realistic about this?” Luce breaks his silence, leaning on the table, cheeks in his hands. “We’ve been living like he was dead for almost three months anyways. This won’t be that different.”

Castiel shakes his head, and stands up to leave.

“Don’t be an asshole, Luce.” Anna responds sternly, “He was  _my_  father. Regardless of all the shit we’ve dealt with, I loved him.  _You_  may have broken his heart, but I – we – cared about him.” She leaves to talk to Castiel.

Michael’s mouth pops open with a small  _oh_.

“What is it?” Luce asks.

“Today’s October Tenth.”

“…and?”

“That’s my birthday.”

“Happy twenty-second?” Luce furrows his eyebrows. He doesn’t know how to respond.

“Just shut up. Please.”

 

Castiel is sitting on his bed, staring out the window. He’s wrapped in his comforter and the room has a thin haze of smoke. He’s staring off into the distance, and he’s so out of it that he doesn’t even notice his sister come in. Anna frowns deeply upon looking around, and cracks open a window, tossing out the cigarette carelessly. She sits down next to him.

“Hey,” she whispers, leaning her head on his shoulder, “What are ya thinking about?”

Anna sits back up She wasn’t even sure that he heard her. But after a moment, Cas responds in a gravelly monotone, “All of this is my fault.”

“Don’t say that.”

“It’s true though! It was my fault he left in the first place. You know what the last thing he said to me was? That I was a failure; tha-that I wasn’t his son.”

“You know he didn’t mean that.”

“That’s the thing,” Cas insists, “I  _don’t_ know he didn’t mean that. I don’t think I ever will. I mean, he left a will and a note and all, but I don’t think I want to see that.”

Anna just sighs, and strokes his head. There’s nothing she can say in response.

“If you don’t mind Anna, I think I’d like to be alone.”

 

Michael flips through the TV channels, not watching anything in particular. He just needs the static to take his mind off his Father. He hadn’t seen the man in years. Luce sits down next to him, and opens his mouth to probably try to comfort him. Michael stands up before he gets that opportunity, and walks out.

He heads to the downtown law firm to meet with a lawyer to figure out the will. Michael’s urgency has nothing to do with his constant punctuality or even his desire to get this over with, but rather, the need to do  _something._  A small part of him rationalizes that maybe just being sad and mourning would be normal and even a healthy thing to do. But if it’s not dysfunctional, it can’t possibly be Novak. Michael tries to remember the last time he cried. He can’t. It wasn’t that long ago – late May. He sent an invitation to his college graduation to Father and the rest of his family. He realized that they weren’t there because they were late or they forgot, or even because they didn’t want to go, but because Father must have just thrown out the invitation upon checking the mail. He cried that night.

A woman in her early forties meets him in the lobby. She adjusts her blond ponytail slightly, before greeting him. “Mary Campbell-Winchester.” She smiles politely, shaking Michael’s hand. He raises an eyebrow, but says nothing. “I’m so sorry for your loss. Let’s get this over with as quickly as we can, alright?”

They go through the will. The company is in the hands of Chuck’s close friend and co-founder, Becky Rosen. She’s a smart woman, if a bit neurotic, and will take care of all of that so it’s not a concern. Their father had little to no actual possessions. He lived with a puritanical philosophy, and they only splurged on education and transportation. Money, though, is an issue. Most of the accounts where money is to be allocated are frozen, or are completely missing. Anna and Gabe received large sums of money in accounts they can access once they turn 18. Cas received about half of what they did, but it’s still a lot, all things considering. Michael and Luce received no money what so ever, except for a fifty thousand dollar ‘emergency’ fund each, directed to be used for their younger siblings. It’s so little (relatively), that Michael’s almost insulted. Mary frowns when she reads that part over.

“Castiel, hm? He’s friends with my son. Good kid,” Mary half-smiles, scribbling something on a notepad. After finalizing some stuff and signing more legal documents, Michael heads out.

He thinks he can be done, but in the foyer of the firm he sits down to drink some water. He flips over the envelope with a photocopy of the suicide note, but decides not to look at it. Michael flips open the Wall Street Journal, and is appalled by the headline on the third page:

**SUCIDE OF NOVAK ENTERPRISES CEO CHARLES NOVAK LEAVES COMPANY IN HANDS OF BECKY ROSEN.**

He doesn’t even read the article.

When Michael gets back to the apartment, there’s a nervous-looking boy waiting outside the door. He’s wrapped in a leather jacket a size or two too big, and Michael thinks he’s seen him at the coffee shop.

“Can I help you?” Michael asks. The boy is startled, and turns around suddenly.

“Well, uh, this is awkward. I’m Cas’… friend.”

The hesitation is all that Michael needs to know to figure out who it is. He smiles politely and sticks his hand out to shake. “So  _you’re_  Dean. I’m Michael. It’s wonderful to meet you, but I don’t think now is a good time. Do you want to stop by tomorrow?”

“You sure I can’t pop in for a sec? I got Cas some CDs. His music taste kinda sucks.” Dean jokes. He holds up a bag with five or ten CDs.

“Whatever. Fine. Just… don’t expect him to be in a good mood.”

Michael gives up and opens the door, praying the house isn’t in total chaos. It’s a little better than expected. Luce is at the table, feet resting on a placemat. Anna is sweeping up something that looks like a broken plate from the floor, and Gabe is staring off at a point on the wall.

“How was it?” Anna calls, not looking over. She doesn’t even notice Dean.

“We can talk later. What happened?”

“Why don’t you ask your  _boyfriend?_ ” Anna retorts. She looks up, and notices Dean, suddenly regretting the words that left her mouth a moment ago.

Michael just sighs. “He’s definitely not my boyfriend, not at all.”

Dean senses the tension. “Hey, uh, where’s Cas’ room. I’ll drop this off.”

Luce perks up at the unfamiliar voice. “What, like you haven’t seen it? Oh, it’s a new hookup this week.”

“Would you shut up?” Michael cuts in. He points to the door on the right.

“Make me, sweetheart.”

Anna leaves the room. Michael cleans up the shards of blue and white ceramic.

Dean knocks on the door to Cas’ room tentatively. That was probably the most awkward ‘meet the parents’-esque experience he’s ever endured. To be fair, he hasn’t actually had a boyfriend in over a year. He sighs, and tries to shake his thoughts out of his head. Whatever is going on with Cas’ family is  _Cas’_  business. He knocks on the door.

“Piss off!” Cas responds from behind the door. His voice sounds unnaturally hoarse. Dean frowns. For the months he’s known Cas, he’s seen him be almost every emotion in the book, except for angry. This is a first.

“It’s me, Dean. Your brother let me in.”

The music coming from Castiel’s room shuts off. Cas swings open the door. The sight of him catches Dean off guard: his usually messy hair is now beyond the point of cutely disheveled, and he’s in boxers and a tee shirt, wrapped in a dirty comforter.

“Hi.” Cas smiles weakly. Dean’s not sure if the hoarseness of his voice is from crying (his puffy eyes give that away) or smoking. He assumes it’s a combination of both.

“Can I come in?”

He moves to the side to let Dean in, and then closes the door behind him, re-locking it. Dean sits down on the beanbag on the floor cautiously.

“What’s going on, Cas?” Dean asks. His voice is filled with concern.

Cas’ voice cracks as he whispers, “I-it’s my dad. H-he’s gone.”

“What do you mean?”

“He’s  _dead_.”

Dean’s face falls and his mouth pops open slightly. When his body finally catches up with his brain, he scrambles up to hug Cas. Cas just shrugs him off so Dean’s arm ends up awkwardly around him.

“I’m so sorry Cas.”

“I don’t  _need_  your sympathy.”

“Okay, but I’m here for you.”

“I don’t  _want_  that, okay? Please, just  _go_.” Cas knows he’s building up walls he’s been trying so hard to break down, but he’s too vulnerable and this is the only way he knows how to feel safe. He’s sees the hurt look in Dean’s eyes and a part of him wants to kiss that off his face, bit he can’t bring himself to do so.

“If it’s what you want, I’ll go.”

Cas nods in response, staring off at a poster on the wall. It’s not until the door shuts that the tears start flowing again.

Dean tries to exit the Novak apartment as quickly as possible. He’s feeling hurt and a little upset. He knows that Cas is going through a really tough time, and understands that maybe his way of dealing is by shutting people out. Still, he feels like he was treated unfairly. He just wants to be there for him.

A voice stops him before he walks out. “Didn’t go too well, eh?”

Dean turns around. It’s Cas’ older brother… the blond one.  _Luce,_  he thinks. “Not that it’s your business, but no, it didn’t.” He drops the CDs on the counter.

“Don’t take it personally. I’ve seen the revolving doors of Cassie’s love interests or  _whatever_.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“You mean you’re not aware of his  _history_?” Luce laughs. He finishes the amber liquid in his cup, and places it back down on the table loudly. “Well that conversation is going to be… interesting.”

“Luce, what  _are_  you doing?” Gabe sighs, walking over to them. He shakes his head. “Heya, Dean-o. You should probably see yourself out.”

As soon as Dean’s out, his attention is back to his older brother. “What are you doing?”

“Would you believe me if I said that I’m looking out for the kid’s best interest?”

“No.”

“I am. I mean, Cas is  _family_  and you know I care about him-”

“You got a weird way of showing it.”

“Let me finish, Gabriel.” Luce sighs, visibly annoyed. Gabe puts his hands up defensively. “What happened last time he tried to be in a romantic relationship? When it fell through like it always does?”

“That’s different.”

“How so?”

“That… girl got him hooked on prescription painkillers. She’s not here though. I’ve done my research into Dean, and he’s not a bad guy.”

“I never said he was. The problem isn’t the pretty boy- it’s Castiel! This, like everything else, will fall through, and he won’t be equipped to deal. I’d really like to not find an over-dosed Castiel in my bathroom this time!”

Gabe sighs. He sits down next to his brother. “Look, you’re right. But he should be allowed to make his own decisions. It’s his life. If it even  _looks_ like it’s getting to that, we’ll step in this time.”

“You’ll  _what_?” Michael asks. They both look up, shocked at his appearance. “Don’t worry, I just got here.”

“It’s none of your business.” Luce snarls.

Michael looks to Gabe, expecting an explanation.

“I’m not getting in between your lover’s quarrel.” Gabe answers, walking out to check on Cas and Anna. He’s not going to mediate anymore.

 

That night, the story is on the evening news. Michael’s phone keeps ringing from a combination of extended family, old friends, and press. Eventually, he just turns it off.

Anna gives up and orders pizza. When the delivery guy comes and she answers the door, she almost trips over the plastic bag next to the bucket with umbrellas.  _That’s new_ , she notes. Once the two boxes of pizza (plain and pineapple) are resting on the counter, she picks up the black bag. There are five burned CDs with their cases wrapped together with a rubber band. There’s a small post-it stuck on the top one.

_Cas:_

_Thought you’d like these. Let me know_

_-Dean_ _J_

She sighs, and calls everyone for pizza. Michael comes out with Gabe. She goes into Cas’ room and opens the door. Anna finds him and Luce sitting on the floor, passing around a blunt. She clears her throat.

“Can I help you?” Cas asks. Anna shakes her head, and tosses the bag at him. He misses, but it lands on his lap.

“You shouldn’t be doing… these things again. And Luce, you’re just encouraging him.”

“Okay,  _mother._ ” Luce snarks. He kicks the door closed with his foot.

 _This is helpless,_ Anna sighs. She’s not sure she can put up with this for much longer.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know what you think!


	4. October, Part 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The feedback is really positive - thanks so much! I appreciate it!

The next Monday, nobody mentions the loss to any of the three younger Novaks. Students and teachers eye them warily, but nobody says much. The only exception is the guidance councilor, Ms. Mosely, who tells Anna that if she needs to talk, to just come to her office whenever. People mutter quick apologies to Gabe, but Cas emits an aura of _fuck off_. He doesn't speak to anyone until he finds Ruby during lunch. She's at their lunch spot with her tongue down Sam Winchester's throat. He clears his throat loudly and waits until he's able to get their attention.

“Hey, Sam. Mind if I talk to Ruby alone for a sec?”

Sam’s eyes widen. He nods quickly. “Yeah, no problem! I have to finish up this calc assignment anyways. I’ll… see ya around, I guess.” He kisses Ruby chastely, and the action is so sweet Cas wants to laugh. So unfitting for Ruby. Sam turns to Castiel and looks like he wants to say something, but just scurries off.

He leans up against the large Oak, with Ruby next to him. Cas honestly thinks she’s a complete bitch, but he can’t help but like her.

“This better be good.” Ruby clucks her tongue, taking out a cigarette. Cas hands her a lighter from his back pocket and she nods appreciatively.

“I know you sell.”

Ruby lets out a cough that he knows was not from the cigarette.

“It’s eleven o’clock in the morning.”

“I don’t really care. Please, you gotta help me out. I just can’t… deal with all of this right now.” Cas’ voice is filled with desperation. She looks confused. Ruby never pegged him for that type. She sighs, and says nothing for a moment.

“Look, Cas. We’re friends… kind of. I don’t do friends, but you’re an okay guy. And Meg, she obviously doesn’t mind you. And I heard what happened to you, I mean it was on the _news._ That _has_ to suck. I kinda get it, honestly.”

“Are you gonna get me something or not?” Cas snaps.

Ruby crosses her arms. “Talk to me in a couple days, once you’re feeling a bit better.”

He just scoffs. “You do know why I asked is because I _can’t_ deal with feeling like this.”

She reaches into her purse and hands him a Thermos.

He takes a large gulp, sputtering. “Jack?”

“Jack.” She smiles. He returns the look appreciatively.

They sit in silence for a while, doing nothing but passing the Thermos between them. Ten minutes pass and nobody comes. Ruby takes the last sip and sighs, putting the container away. She offers Cas some of her fries – it seems like that’s the only thing she eats – and when he declines, finishes the whole plate of them in the span of a few minutes.

“So,” Ruby asks, attempting to fill in the silence, “how are things with you and your boyfriend?”

“He’s not my boyfriend.” Cas clarifies.

“Oh.” Ruby tilts her head to the side in confusion, “Cause Sam said that- you know what? Forget I asked.”

He does just that.

It’s not until Cas gets home that he remembers the plastic bag Anna threw at him. He takes a look inside and sees the CD’s from Dean. He’s filled with a kind of dread in the pit of his stomach. He knows he fucked up. Yet somehow, Cas can’t bring himself to do anything. He just stares off at the window, wishing for a simpler life.

After two hours of watching Castiel pace around their room, Gabriel snaps.

“Would you just _call him_?” He throws his head back on his pillow and groans.

Cas stops pacing for a moment to glare at him. “I pushed him away, Gabe.”

“Well pull him back! There’s this magical word people use when they fuck up. _Sorry._ Have you heard of it?”

After ten minutes of Gabe nagging him and five minutes of contemplation, Cas finally resolves to text Dean.

**Cas: I was really an asshole. Sorry.**

A reply comes a minute or two later.

**Dean: Yeah, I guess.**

**Cas: Can you forgive me?**

**Dean: Dude, your _dad_ died! You’re allowed to be an asshole.**

**Dean: I’m sorry, Cas.**

Gabe nudges him with his elbow. “See, nothing to worry about.”

**Cas: See you tomorrow.**

Cas throws his phone somewhere on his bed and turns to face is brother. “So, what about you?”

“What about me?”

“How are you doing?”

Gabe almost laughs. “Our dad died, how am I _doing_?” He pauses for a minute and collects his thoughts before actually answering, “I’m hurting, obviously, but for some reason I feel better than I thought I would. It still kind of feels like any day, he’s just gonna call one of us and walk right back in.”

In a weird moment of vulnerability, Castiel hugs him.

 

Luce comes home from his shift at three-thirty. He tries to be on the quiet side, but drunkenly crashes into the table, breaking yet another dish. Once Abby realized that he was going through relationship issues, she took the ‘just friends’ thing quite seriously. Luce opened up to her about some of his issues: Michael and his - well Michael's Father. She was pretty helpful (“Stop bitching, _Lucy_ , and just tell him you’re in love. I thought _I_ was the girl here,”), and after they closed up, they drank the rest of the Ciroc.

He decides to take her advice and just _talk it out._ He bumps down the rest of the hall, and stumbles into his and Michael’s room. Luce flips on the light switch.

“…Luce?” Michael groans, rolling over. His voice is groggy with sleep.

“Hey, we need to talk.”

“It’s the middle of the night.”

“So?”

Michael sighs and sits up in bed. “Okay, talk.”

Luce sits down on the corner of the bed, and sighs. He hates talking about feelings. “You said you loved me.”

“I do.” Michael nods, rubbing his eyes. Despite his tiredness, his answer is honest.

“Mikey, I love you too.”

Michael’s fully awake now. He looks up at Luce and gives a small smile, eyes lidded. “Well I mean thats great, but I'm half-asleep. Why don’t you come to bed?”

“That’s it?” Luce asks, astonished.

“I don’t want to fight anymore.” Michael admits.

Luce changes into a pair of sweatpants and crawls into bed. Michael kisses him on the forehead and sighs. Luce falls asleep with his head in the crook of Michael’s neck and their limbs wrapped around each other.

Michael starts house hunting. He’s able to find a few four-bedroom full-size houses that are easily affordable. With the $100,000 from their Father’s will and Michael’s grad school money, they could almost be completely paid for. He decides to hold out on actually doing anything despite causal browsing, but that doesn’t stop Luce from noticing the tabs open on his laptop. He doesn’t say anything to his older brother, but he can’t help but feel a little warm and fuzzy at the idea of buying a home. It seems like a far-fetched idea, and a stupid one at that (since the three youngest will be leaving soon anyways – and doesn’t he sound like a mother with an empty nest?), but it’s just browsing.

 

Cas _thinks_ he’s doing relatively better. He feels less shitty than usual. He’s been having actually conversations with Michael and is attempting to be a good boyfriend to Dean. He even hangs out with Sam a bit. They’ve played Halo while Dean’s been at wrestling practice. The press has stopped mentioning Chuck. He sees Anna place first in her debate tournament and Gabe actually put in a few college applications. Yet still, there’s a familiar hollow feeling in his gut.

He’s always felt like there’s been something missing internally, some insatiable need. Cas has tried _everything_ , and nothing works. Sometimes he forgets for an hour or two, but it never really goes away. The closest he’s gotten to feeling alright is when he’s high or in someone else’s bed. Back in San Francisco, Chuck made him see a therapist occasionally. Cas found it infuriating. It was useless. Nowadays, the hole seems to be getting bigger.

 

He calls Ruby.

Cas is outside on the fire escape, nestled in his comforter. He’s been out here all night.  It’s so late – no, _so early_ – that the sky is streaked orange and pink from the sun. He misses the ocean. He feels suffocated from being landlocked.

She picks up on the fourth ring.

“Morning, sunshine.” Cas’ voice is hoarse from disuse.

“What the fuck do you want, _Castiel_?” She hears her shush someone in the background.

“It’s been a week. Can you get me something?”

Ruby sighs. “If you stop bothering me at the worst _possible_ moments, then sure.”

He doesn’t get to say thank you before she hangs up.

 

“You should come over!” Dean suggests during lunch the next day, “My mom’s fine with it, and my dad’s leaving for a hunting trip with Bobby, Jim, and Jose.”

Dean’s been sitting with Cas and his friends for the past few days. He feels a bit out of place, but doesn’t really mind.

“When you mean come over, do you mean…?” Cas hints, trailing off.

“Yeah, to spend the night.” Dean half-smiles. Despite Cas’ tendencies, he’s been taking it _really_ slow. The farthest they’ve gone is a few messy handjobs in the back of the Impala. “If you’re around tomorrow.”

“Yeah, that’s fine.” Cas squeezes Dean’s thigh. He’s pretty sure what he’s feeling is butterflies.

 

Luckily, Ruby finds him the next morning and hands him a bottle of painkillers. He hands her a twenty, and she just waves her hand.

“Don’t bother. It’s fine. Just… don’t fuck up, alright?” Ruby says, and Cas notes how she almost looks _concerned._ He gives her the twenty anyways.

Cas doesn’t think about the pills the whole day. His mind is too busy being bombarded with a never-ending chorus of _Dean Dean Dean._ It doesn’t help that Gabe and Anna wouldn’t stop nagging him for the whole car ride to school. And now, he’s back in front of the Audi, waiting from Gabe to drive him home to drop his crap. Anna has soccer practice, so it’s just the two of them.

“ _Like a virgin…_ ” Gabe sings off-key, teasing him, “ _touched for the very first timeeee-_ ”

Cas sighs, smacking his older brother lightly on the side of his head.

“Owww! What was that for?” Gabriel fakes innocence.

“You know.”

“Oh lighten up, Cassie. What’s gotten your panties in a twist?” Gabe asks. When his younger brother doesn’t respond, he gasps. “Oh my god. You’re wearing panties! I knew it. Dean always seemed like a panties type of guy.”

“I am _not_ wearing women’s underwear, Gabriel.”

“You _sure_?”

“Positive.”

Gabe meets his eyes and sighs, running through a red light. “What is it then?”

“I’m… nervous.”

Gabe slams so hard on the brakes Cas almost flies through the windshield.

“Castiel Novak. You have been with more guys than Luce, and probably the same amount of girls as me. Why the hell are you nervous?”

“I think I’m in love with him.” Cas whispers. It feels weird to say it out loud.

“Did I just hear you correctly?”

Castiel repeats himself.

“Wow. That’s a new one, baby bro.”

“You’re telling me.”

 

As soon as Cas is home, he dumps his messenger bag on his unmade bed and grabs his duffle. He throws in a change of clothing, pajamas, a toothbrush, and the other usual stuff. He reaches inside his nightstand and grabs a few condoms. Cas turns around when he hears someone is behind him.

“Catch.” Luce says, and throws a small package at him. Cas frowns. His older brother bought him lube. _Ew._ When he sees Cas’ expression, Luce smirks a little. “What are brothers for, eh?”

Cas just closes his eyes and shudders. “Since when did this entire family become interested in my sex life?”

“I ask myself that every day.”

He takes the lube and throws that in his bag too, hidden underneath a pair of jeans. Cas makes an effort to get out of the house as quickly as possible after that.

 

Gabe drops Cas off in front of the Winchester home. He can’t help but throw a plethora of innuendoes at his younger brother before driving away. When Castiel reaches the door, it swings open a fraction of a second before he has the chance to knock.

“Hey, Cas!” Sam greets him. The lankier Winchester must have grown three inches since Cas last saw him. He smiles and readjusts his backpack strap.

“Hello Sam.”

“I was just heading out, but I’ll see ya round!” Sam rushes past him and hops onto his bike in the driveway. Cas just stands there, watching him ride away.

“You gonna come in?” A voice pulls him out of his thoughts. It’s Dean. Cas spins around and smiles. He doesn’t respond. Instead, he just takes a step towards the taller boy and kisses him.

“I missed you,” Cas smiles, resting his forehead on Dean’s.

“I saw you fifth period.” Dean raises a blond eyebrow.

“Still.”

Dean reaches out and takes Cas’ bag. “Hey, why don’t you come in? I’ll go drop this in my room.” He walks back into the house and yells, “Ma! Cas is here.”

Mary Winchester walks out. She looks as flustered as Cas has ever seen her with a streak of flour on her cheek and it powered all over her blouse. “Hiya, Cas.”

“Hello, Mrs. Winchester.” Cas smiles. He’s grown very fond of Dean’s mother. Mary is a sweet woman, but has the same hard-as-nails attitude as her son.

“ _Mary_.” She corrects him. “I completely forgot you were coming, I’m so sorry! There’s some leftover chicken in the fridge and I just put in cherry cobbler.” She turns to Dean. “I have an appointment with Dr. Paige and then I have book club at Suzanne’s. I should be home by nineish. Don’t burn the house down.”

Dean and Cas sit down in the living room. There’s a Star Trek rerun on that neither of them are really paying attention to.

“Where’d Sam go off to in such a rush?” Cas asks after a while.

“He’s going to ‘study with Jessica’,” Dean answers using air quotes. It's dramatic, even for him.

“Jessica Moore? I think I know her.” Cas knits his eyebrows in confusion. He’s completely missed whatever point Dean has tried to make. “I don’t understand what you’re getting at.”

“She’s a sweet kid, but totally crushing on him. They’re lab partners so she she’s been over all the time. Ma trusts her, so Sam says he’s hanging out with her, when really he’s with Ruby.” Cas doesn’t miss his disgusted expression when he mentions Ruby. “I know she’s your friend or you're pals with her or whatever, but I get a bad feeling about her. I don’t want Sammy anywhere near her.”

Castiel just shrugs.

“See you later, boys!” Mary yells.

“Drive safe!” Dean yells back. The door clicks closed behind her.

“So, what do you wanna do?” Cas asks, leaning back on the sofa.

Dean just smirks. He answers Cas by kissing him again. He shifts so he’s on Dean’s lap and deepens the kiss. His hands tangle in blond hair and Dean moans a little when he tugs on it. Cas takes the opportunity to put his tongue in Dean’s mouth and is met eagerly. After a moment, he forces himself to pull away. Dean looks _gorgeous_ with his hair mussed up, cheeks flushed, and kiss-bitten lips.

“You just gonna stare?” Dean teases.

No, he’s not.

 

Growing up in a house full of brothers should teach anyone one major lesson: there is no such thing as personal space or ‘mine’. That’s what Luce tells himself when he sneaks into Cas and Gabe’s room. He’s been trying to look out for his younger siblings for as long as Luce can remember. Even though they’re not blood relatives and sometimes ( _most of the time,_ to be quite honest) his attempts are misguided, he does try.

“What the fuck do you think you’re doing?” Gabriel asks. Luce turns around and sees him leaning against the doorframe, head tilted to the side in confusion.

“I think Cas is doing drugs again.” Luce admits.

“Answer the question.” Gabe sighs, sitting down on Cas’ bed next to where his stuff is dumped.

“I came in here earlier to give him some stuff. He was packing or whatever. He had that look when I walked in like he was hiding something.”

“It was probably some sex toy… thing.” Gabe waves his hand dismissively.

“And if it wasn't?”

This makes Gabe look up. In all honesty, he _is_ a bit concerned about Castiel. And he’d be lying if he said he wasn’t interested in going through his younger brother’s stuff. He clucks his tongue and leans his head back to the ceiling, letting out a long sigh. “ _Fiiiine._ ” He looks back at Luce, “But we open it together.”

It takes no more than a few seconds. There’s not much is Castiel’s bookbag: two notebooks, a few pens, a Moleskin notebook that he uses to draw in, and a pack of cigarettes. Luce unzips the side pocket and wraps his hand around an orange cylinder, sighing. He’d recognize a prescription bottle anywhere.

“This is the part where I would say I told you so,” the blond mutters, shaking his head. “But I don’t have the heart to do that.”

Gabe grabs the bottle out of his brother’s hand and frowns, shaking it. “Well, shit. What now?”

“I think we should tell Michael.”

Gabe’s eyes widen. “No. No way. I mean he doesn’t even know that Cas had a problem in the first place.”

“What happened to you being gung-ho on transparency?”

“Let’s talk to Anna first. Get her opinion. Maybe we can do one of those couch intervention things like they have on What Not To Wear?”

“Did you just compare your brothers drug problem to a reality tv show?”

“Yes. No. I don’t know.” Gabe says, shrugging.

Luce can’t help but chuckle. “Man, we are all so _fucked up._ Cas is – well, he’s Cas. And I’m in love with my brother, and you’re addicted to candy. Jesus.”

“You _love_ him?”

Luce groans.

“Is there something in the water? I never thought I’d see the day where you, or Cassie for that matter, decide you’re in loooove, and then you both tell me on the same day. Hm. I mean you and Michael? Kinda gross, I’m not gonna lie. But you were always a little bit married.”

“Mikey’s definitely the wife.”

“Isn’t the whole point of two guys being together is that _neither_  of them is the wife?”

“Shut up, Gabriel.”

 

Cas is brought of his post-orgasmic haze buy a loud repetitive beep. He groans, looking around. On the way up to Dean’s room he wasn’t exactly paying attention to the décor. It looks exactly like he’d imagine it. Band posters line the wall (there are at least four of _just_ Led Zeppelin) and there are a few framed photos, mostly of Dean with Sam or Mary. The bookshelves are stacked with classics and a few wrestling trophies, as well as some DVDs. The only thing surprising is his obsession with Game of Thrones (“It’s really badass, okay? You know it’s good if I’m not even watching it for the naked chicks.”).

“What’s that noise?” Cas asks, turning around to face Dean. He’s not sure how he ended up being the little spoon.

“Shit.” Dean sits up abruptly, and fumbles for a pair of jeans. Cas can’t help but notice that he forgoes underwear. “It’s the cobbler. We gotta take it out of the oven before it burns.” He dashes down the staircase. Cas can’t help but laugh a little. He gets himself dressed and heads back downstairs.

“How was that?” Cas asks, popping up behind his boyfriend. He jumps at least a foot in the air, cursing loudly.

“Jesus, Cas. Mind walking a little louder next time?” Dean shakes his head. “And that,” he kisses Cas chastely, “was amazing.”

He finds himself grinning _._ He wraps his arm around Dean’s waist and rests his head on his shoulder for a second.

“So, do you want to try the ancient Campbell secret cobbler recipe?” Dean suggests, taking out a knife.

“If it’s anything like her pies, count me in.”

Cas didn’t think it could be possible, but it’s even better than her pies. He can’t help but _moan_ at the taste.

Dean can’t help but cough uncomfortably. “Dude.”

“What?” Cas asks.

“How are you making eating that _sexy_? Seriously? If you keep it up, I think we’ll have to go for round two.”

Castiel smirks. “Is that a promise?”

 

Mary’s wise enough ( _Bless her,_ Cas thinks) to call when she’s heading home. It gives them enough time to get the sheets in the washer downstairs and wash the dishes before she’s in the garage. Also it gives Cas an attempt to make his usually messy hair look less debauched.

“I still can’t believe you’ve never seen any Game of Thrones.” Dean shakes his head. He dries off the last fork with a towel and puts it away. “And you can appreciate the boobs. You like girls half of the time, I don’t.”

“Actually, I like _you_ full time.” Cas corrects him.

“You’re gonna love it, I promise. But Joffrey is a total dick.”

 

Cas wakes up with a clump of hair in his mouth. It takes him a minute to realize why he’s in an unfamiliar room. _Dean_. He smiles, and nestles his head back into the crook of his boyfriend’s neck. The sunlight coming in from the open blinds is enough to prevent him from falling back asleep, but he doesn’t plan to leave the warmth of this bed.

Dean stirs, and wakes up. “Cas?” he yawns.

“Morning, sunshine.” Cas kisses him. They both have morning breath and it’s kind of gross, but neither of them really cares. “What time is it?”

Dean rolls over, almost throwing both of them off the twin bed. He checks his phone and answers, “five to eleven.”

“Crap, Gabe’s picking me up at eleven.” Cas groans. “You’re gonna have to untangle your octopus limbs from me.”

“Octopus limbs? That’s a new one.” Dean laughs, tapping him on the nose. He gets up and throws on a pair of sweatpants. “I’m gonna walk you downstairs.”

Cas gets dressed quickly and puts everything back in his bed. He _really_ needs a shower, but that can be dealt with when he gets home. “You might wanna put on a shirt, Dean.” He suggests. There’s a rather large hickey on the blond’s right hipbone, and he doesn’t think that Mary wants to see that. The two of them make their way downstairs and outside onto the front steps. Less than a minute later, the ridiculously colored Audi parks in front of the Winchester home, almost knocking over the neighbors’ mailbox.

“I’ll see ya Monday, Cas.” Dean waves a little. Cas kisses him quickly and hops into the passenger seat of the car.

Something is off.

For one, Gabe’s wearing slippers.

Also, the car is silent. No annoying bubblegum pop music, no traffic report, not even a raunchy audiobook.

“You okay?” Cas asks, buckling his seatbelt.

“ _I’m_ fine.” Gabe answers cryptically, tapping his fingers on the steering wheel. “You, however, not so much.”

“What are you talking about – I’m great!” Cas insists. He takes in his brother’s appearance: dark circles surround his red eyes, and his lip is trembling the way it does after he’s cried. “What’s going on?”

Gabe just sighs. “We’ll talk when we get home, alright?”

They’re silent for the rest of the ride.

 

The state of the apartment when Castiel walks in is something he’s never seen. He’s seen glasses shattered when Luce fights with anyone; he remembers the three months after Mom’s death where nobody cleaned anything (and the maid didn’t show). He’s never seen anything this clean. That must be Anna’s doing. When she’s anxious or upset, she doesn’t just clean, she perfects every surface and material until he can see his reflection off it. In his opinion, it’s a bit OCD. Luce, Michael, and Anna are all sitting on the sofa tensely. Luce looks the most relaxed with his feet up on the week-old coffee table. But his posture gives away that he’s not.

“We need to talk.” Michael announces. They all nod in agreement. Cas sits down uncomfortably on a chair he’s brought over from the kitchen.

“Okay,” Anna starts. Cas has the feeling he’s the only one who has no idea what’s going on. “Cas. How long?”

“How long _what_?”

“How long have you been relapsed? We found your pills.” Gabe clarifies.

Castiel’s insides turn to ice. He completely forgot about those. A few thoughts cross his mind at the same time, yet he can’t find the correct words to explain his thoughts.

“Just be honest with us.” Anna pleads. She looks utterly heartbroken.

“Okay. Let me explain everything _before_ you jump down my throat. I got them early Friday. I haven’t had any of them yet.” The rest comes out in a jumble of words that seem to trip over each other. “I swear, really. It’s just after Dad and everything and allofthat. I mean it’s allmyfault anyways and I couldn’t deal with all of that guilt.”

Nobody says anything for a while.

“Jeez, Cas. You should have come to one of us.” Gabe sighs. His anger seems mollified, but instead he’s upset with himself for not even noticing how upset Cas was over all of this.

“You didn’t _kill_ Dad. You didn’t kill anybody. I mean he left a not-”

“He left a _note_?” Anna asks.

“How come we didn’t know this?” Luce tilts his head to the side. “What did it say?”

“Look, one issue at a time, okay. This is an intervention of sorts, okay?” Michael says slowly, “I’m not going to say no alcohol because that’s unrealistic and _someone_ here works in a bar. And your cigarette habit is _disgusting_ but I know you can get those anywhere so I can’t enforce that even if I tried. But we _will_ be looking through your stuff Cas. I’m not your parent and I never will be, but I care about you – we all do – and we can’t watch this happen to you. Okay?”

“Okay.”


	5. November, Part 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everyone! Sorry it's been so long since I've updated. I was away for two weeks without internet.  
> Anyways, hope you enjoy!

The whole intervention thing was kind of pointless, Gabriel thinks. Besides flushing a bottle of pills down the toilet, not all that much was accomplished. He does think that in a familial bonding sense it was helpful, and Cas is less likely to do something extra-bad for him. Speaking of Cas, he’s currently stretched out shirtless on the floor.

“That’s ridiculous,” Gabe points out.

“What?”

“It’s been what? Four days? You’re still all… marked up. Jeez. I’m a little concerned.”

Cas shrugs. “It’s not a big deal. So, what about you and Kali?”

“We’re kind of hot and cold… I mean one minute she’s jumping me, and the next she wants nothing to do with me.” Gabe sighs, “It’s a raging pain in the ass. No, I take that back – that’s more your relationship.”

Cas groans. He throws a pillow at his brother. “That was the worst anal sex joke ever.”

“Oh, you love me.”

“Whatever helps you sleep at night,” Cas teases. He _does_ love Gabriel, and they both know it. Neither of them (or really any of the Novaks) are the kiss-and-profess-your-love type. Maybe they weren’t hugged enough as children.

Someone knocks on the door.

“It’s open.” Gabe responds, sitting up. Anna comes in, looking a little upset. “What’s up?”

“Michael’s birthday.” The boys look at her in confusion. She clarifies, “It was October tenth. We forgot to do something for his birthday.”

“In our defense, it’s not like that day was celebratory.” Cas points out.

She sighs. “What I mean is we forgot until he mentioned it. We hadn’t even planned anything. And that’s pretty messed up. I was thinking, what if we did like a birthday dinner type of thing? We could order in Italian and attempt to make a cake.”

“We don’t know any of his friends. If he has.” Gabe frowns.

“It would just be us.”

“It’s not a half-bad idea.” Cas agrees.

“I talked to Luce about it and he’s on board. He isn’t working on Friday night so we could do it then. We should make it a surprise.”

The two boys shrug.

“Friday it is.” Cas says.

Planning a birthday party for Michael seemed like a daunting task. None of the Novaks actually knew much about Michael: what he liked, or didn’t. He was pretty consistent as a kid, but that was years ago. It’s been five years since they’ve had to buy him a birthday present and none of them know where to start. Luckily, Anna and Gabriel are notoriously stubborn in their own way, and if they want to make this happen, it will.

Michael gets off from his shift at 6 on Friday, which gives them plenty of time to set up after they get home from school. Luce will be around the whole day, but considering he usually doesn’t even wake up until two or three in the afternoon, he won’t be much help. The first thing they need to do is go present shopping.

Anna, ever the practical one knows that Michael is like her. He hates getting gifts that he feels like he doesn’t _need_. It’s a bit difficult, but she’s so much like him that she has an idea what to get. After an hour in the mall, she decides on a few packs of socks and some noise-cancelling headphones. They’re a bit pricey but considering the fact that he’s using his _grad school_ tuition for rent, she thinks he’s worth spending the money on. She’s gotten over her animosity towards him and now they’re actually getting along pretty well.

Gabriel, on the other hand, has no idea where to start. So, he does what he does best: snooping. After a bit of eavesdropping (and mental-scarring, thanks a lot Luce), he realizes the one thing missing from Michael’s stuff – music. He has absolutely no music. He’s a bit confused; _everyone_ likes some kind of music. But apparently Michael has none. So, after school, he ditches Cas and drives over to the small music store on Pine Street. It’s more expensive than Best Buy or any of those, but Kali works there so he gets another excuse to see her. After three hours of looking for the right music (that’s all he was doing, he swears), Gabe has about twenty CDs and his wallet is a lot smaller.

Cas’ idea comes to him when he’s on the phone with his cousin Bart. He casually mentions how his mother was cleaning up the attic and found all of their old stuff. The first time the Novak’s started moving around (a little after their mother died), they left all of their ‘worldly possessions’, as Chuck put it, in their Aunt Rachel’s attic. All of their childhood toys, most of Anna’s various awards, and all of Michael’s stuff is up there. When he left for Kansas he only brought a suitcase full of clothing. After a few unrealistic promises and fifteen minutes of pleading, Cas has three boxes shipped to him.

Luce is at a complete loss for an entirely different reason. He knows Michael like the back of his hand. His only problem is what kind of gift should he get him: a gift from his brother or a gift from his boyfriend? Normally, Luce would send his brother gay porn (as a joke, assuming his older brother’s straightness), but that seems a bit too weird now given the new development in their relationship. Somehow, he finds himself asking Abby of all people on Tuesday night.

“You’re asking me what to get for your _boyfriend_ for your birthday?” She raises a perfect red eyebrow, laughing. “Mind-blowing sex.”

Luce sighs, pouring another beer for one of the regulars. He turns back to her and scowls. “Well that was a given. But the kids,” he corrects himself, “ _our_ other siblings are throwing him a surprise party on Friday. So I have to get him something… more appropriate.”

Abby has become one of Luce’s closest friends over the past few months. They’ve spent hours just talking. He’s even told her about Michael and Dad and all that stuff. Considering most of his friends are in prison or somewhere unreachable, he considers that a big deal. She even joking calls them Lucifer and Abaddon.

Abby pulls him out of his thoughts by cursing under her breath. She takes a dirty glass from the sink and clicks it loudly with her long nails. She pauses the music and the low buzz of chatter dulls to a stop. Most people go back to whatever they were doing, but a few look up at her expectantly.

“Hullo, I’m Abby. Most of ya’ll know that, and if ya don’t, ya should’ve. Anyways, my good friend over here,” she cocks her head at Luce, “needs help. He listens to ya’ll bitch about all of your problems on the daily, so this is fairly reasonable. He needs to buy his brother a birthday present. If you got a good suggestion, come up and share. If it’s good, you a beer on me.”

Nobody says anything. Abby turns the music back on.

“I don’t think you’re allowed to do that.” Luce tells her.

The waitress just tosses her hair behind her shoulder. “I doubt yellow eyes is gonna do much.”

Their boss is a slimy old man. He’s rarely ever around, and nobody seems to actually know his name. Abby refers to him as yellow eyes, which is a fairly self-explanatory nickname.

Luce’s favorite regular stumbles up to the bar. He pours the middle-aged man one of the alcohol-free brews (he doesn’t even know why they serve that) and gives it to him for free. He doesn’t particularly like the guy and he’s kind of a homophobic asshole, but he brings in a _lot_ of money.

“Y’know,” he slurs, taking a sip gratefully, “I got two boys of ma own. Probably round the same age as your brotha.”

“How’s that working out?” Luce asks, leaning over the bar. He can’t help but picture Chuck in this man’s spot, spilling his crap to a bartender.

“It sucks. Sammy hates me. Think’s I’mma terrible dad. I kinda am. And Dean, he’s not my son no more. Can’t even look ‘t him the same way.”

“What happened?”

“I dunno. I raised him right, made ‘em play ball and helped him with his homework. Somehow he turned out a fag.”

Luce bites the inside of his cheek. _Dean?_ He’s pretty sure that’s the name of Cas’ current fixation.

“It isn’t the worst thing,” Luce smiles sadly. “At least he’s not a criminal?”

The man shrugs.

“What’d you say your name was again?”

He sticks out his hand to shake, “John. John Winchester. Thanks again, boy. If ya need to fix a car, just stop by ma shop.”

“Thanks. I’m Nick.” Luce half-smiles. It’s not that he wants to separate himself from John’s son and Cas, but he kind of does. “Why don’t you head on home?”

 

Luce eventually figures out what to get Michael.

 

Gabe orders in a few pasta dishes, some salads, and a shit ton of garlic bread. Cas’ cake catches fire and almost sets the entire kitchen ablaze, so Anna makes a quick run for ice cream. Luce was put in charge of decorations, but the only Happy Birthday banner he could find was meant for a two year old boy, complete with blue pastel and rubber ducks. He takes a marker and draws a two in front of the one on the banner already. Anna looks mildly annoyed, but Gabe looks like he might pee himself from laughing so hard. It doesn’t go unnoticed that they’re all happy _together_ for the first time in a while. It’s kind of nice. Michael walks in fifteen minutes earlier than expected, and is very surprised. The whole apartment smells like smoke, and the banner is dragging on the floor, and Cas is actually laughing.

“Hello?” he calls out.

“Shit.” Gabriel mutters.

“It’s a bit of a mess,” Anna frowns, “but happy late birthday!”

Before Luce can say anything, Cas and Luce decide to sing happy birthday. They’re not in sync with each other, and the fact that neither of them can sing at all makes the whole thing very unpleasant.

Michael looks around, confused. “I don’t get it.”

“We kind of forgot to do something special for your birthday because… you know, Dad and all that. But better late than never!” Gabe explains. He points to the stack of boxes ( _presents?_ ) in the living room. “Present time, and then pasta!”

“You guys shouldn’t have.” Michael insists, smiling. In all honesty, he’s elated. He doesn’t remember the last time anyone’s done anything for him. He’s forgotten how nice it is. He grabs the smallest thing on top first – a small brown paper bag and opens it. Inside the white box is an iPhone.

“You got me an iPhone?” Michael’s eyes widen.

“You got him and iPhone?” Gabe repeats, looking at Luce.

The blond just shrugs. “You needed a new phone.”

Michael has the overwhelming urge to kiss Luce hard, but the rational part of his brain stops him. Instead, he just hugs him tightly. The younger siblings share in shock. Michael doesn’t hug anyone. He whispers, “thank you.”

“Don’t mention it. That dinosaur has to go.” Luce jokes.

Michael opens the other things next. He loves the socks (“they’re argyle!”) and seems excited with the headphones. All the music is a bit overwhelming, but nothing prepares him for seeing those three dusty boxes.

“What is that?” Anna asks. There’s nothing written on them except _Michael_ in Aunt Rachel’s perfect script.

“Just open it.” Cas ignores his sister.

Once the first box is untaped, Michael realizes what this is. He never actually packed any of his things, but someone else did. These are all of his books, his favorites. There are yellowing first edition classics bought at yard sales and secondhand stores, as well as some in perfect condition. He’s never been the best at expressing feelings, but anyone could tell how grateful he feels.

“Thank you.” Michael mutters.

The pasta is lukewarm and the garlic bread is hard. None of them care. They’re okay.

After dinner Michael heads to his room to put everything away and try out his new phone. Luce follows behind.

“We did pretty damn good.” Gabe says as he puts the last of the dishes away.

“Mm.” Cas agrees. “We did.”

 

Cas’ phone rings in the middle of the night. He pats the bed blindly, looking for the source of the annoying pop song Meg set as his ringtone. Gabriel snores loudly, uninterrupted.

“Hello?” he groans. He throws on sweatpants over his boxers and takes his phone out into the living room.

“Cassie.” Balthazar says. He sounds surprised to hear from him. “Are you up?”

“Well _now_ I am.”

“Yes, yes. Are you around?”

“It’s three in the morning.”

“But you’re awake.” Balthazar points out. He’s not wrong.

Cas sighs. “Fine.”

“Lovely. I’m downstairs.”

Before Cas can object, Balthazar hangs up abruptly. Cas throws a cardigan over his tee shirt and sneaks out. He sees the light under Michael’s door that means he’s still awake. He’s thankful that he left his keys and Vans by the door.

Balthazar is sitting on the sidewalk, staring at the sky. He looks like a complete mess. There’s a bottle of red wine under his arm. He takes a large sip from it and coughs loudly.

“Hey.”

Balthazar turns around and abruptly stands up. He almost falls over. “Hi.”

“What’s going on?”

Cas’ best friend shakes his head and points to his car. Cas climbs over him into the driver’s seat. He drives them to the edge of Lawrence and parks on top of the hill. They can see the whole town from here. Once he finally turns off the car, Balthazar finally speaks, “let’s go look at the stars.”

They take a blanket and sit on the hood of the jeep.

“I’m leaving.” Balthazar mumbles.

“What?”

“I’m _leaving_.”

Cas looks at him expectantly.

He takes a long sip from the wine before elaborating. “We’re moving back to Paris.”

“When?”

“Early January. I mean it’s not fair. I’ve lived here for thirteen years. I grew up here! Had my first beer at the Roadhouse, first shag in the back of the Lawrence theater, ya know? I did all that shit. I know _everyone_ here. Over there it’s so different. I don’t wanna go.”

Cas frowns. He has no idea what to say. He’s moved around a lot, so he’s kind of used to it. “Well, we better make the next two months count then.”

Balthazar nods. After a moment, he asks what he should say to Anna.

“Be honest with her.”

What Cas doesn’t say is that he’s Anna’s first _real_ boyfriend. She’s gorgeous and kind so meeting people who like her was never a problem. She just never saw the appeal of dating. Besides, nobody she brought home would possibly get the Chuck seal of approval. They’d have to be Michael. And unlike some of her siblings, Anna doesn’t have a thing for her brother.

“How do you think she’ll handle it?” Balthazar asks.

Cas thinks back to every time they’ve had to move. Anna would be furious and then really upset. She’s cry for a bit too. For the first time ever, she’ll be the one being left behind. She’s going to be _heartbroken_.

“I have no idea.” Cas lies.

Balthazar finished the bottle of wine. He chucks the glass bottle and it lands in a bush with a loud crash. The Brit frowns. “In hindsight, attempting to drink away my problems has never been very successful.”

They both laugh.

“Been there, done that.” Cas admits, “Do you want me to drive you home?”

He shakes his head. “Can’t go home. I walked out and told my mum I wouldn’t be back for a while.”

Cas thinks about all the times he’s stormed out and had no place to go. “Well, you could always crash on my couch.”

He reminds Castiel that he’s dating his sister.

“You’re gonna have to tell Anna eventually.”

“Yeah, well not right now. It’s the middle of the night. She’s asleep and I’m wasted.”

Cas brainstorms for a bit. “I could drop you off at Meg and Ruby’s?”

“I’m drunk and vulnerable.”

“Crowley’s?”

“You’re joking, right?” Balthazar laughs. He says nothing for a minute before shaking his head. “You know what? I’ll sleep on the floor of your room. Or we could spoon, whatever. But we’ve got to be sneaky about it.”

They come up with a plan. The boys have to sneak him in without waking up Anna or Michael, and get him to stay until they leave in the morning. It sounds like a complete and utter trainwreck waiting to happen.

They park the Jeep three blocks away and get Balthazar in the house and into Cas’ room without a problem. But he trips on a stack of Gabriel’s shoes, and lands on the floor with a loud thump. Gabriel wakes up.

“Merde.”

“Castiel, _please_ tell me that you aren’t have gay sex in the bed next to me.” Gabe groans.

“You’ve fucked Winchester and haven’t told me about it?” Balthazar asks.

“Ookay. That’s not Dean-o.” Gabriel turns on the lamp. His eyes widen. “You’re Anna’s boyfriend, right? _Oh god._ Cassie, if you slept with her boyfriend again…”

Balthazar raises his eyebrows, amused and concerned at the same time. “Again?”

“It was eight grade.” Cas explains. “They went out for a week and never actually told anyone. She still doesn’t know.”

“So, someone wanna tell me what’s going on?” Gabe asks.

Balthazar explains everything.

“Oh.”

They chat for a while before there’s a loud crash and a few thumps on the wall. None of them think much about it until it’s followed by a _very_ pornographic moan.

“I hate this entire family.” Gabriel groans.

“I don’t want to know.” Balthazar announces.

Cas nods. “You really don’t.”

The thumping continues for another few minutes. The door to Cas and Gabe’s room swings open abruptly. Balthazar has enough time to slide under Cas’ bed. Anna opens the door, looking particularly irritated. She closes the door and clucks her tongue.

“This is getting a bit ridiculous.” Anna complains. “I almost liked it better when they weren’t speaking.”

Gabe nods.

“Should we tell them to keep it down?”

“No.” Gabe and Cas say at the same time. Anna looks at them quizzically.

Cas elaborates, “Do you really want to go in there?”

Anna sighs and flops down on Cas’ bed. There’s an unmistakable grunt from under the bed.

“Is there someone under there?”

Cas responds no way too quickly.

“You’re lying.” Anna shakes her head. “Please don’t tell me there’s a naked Winchester under there.”

Cas shakes his head.

“Kali?”

Gabe makes a choked noise.

Anna sighs, and waves her hand dismissively. “I don’t even want to know. It’s five thirty, I’m gonna go for a run or something.”

Once Anna’s outside, Balthazar finally pops his head out from the under the bed. “Well, that was close.”

Gabe exhales loudly. “You’re telling me.”

“So where’s the other brother?” Balthazar asks. “I assume that’s Michael.”

Gabe’s face pales. Cas quickly comes up with a half-truth. “Luce works night shifts.”

It seems to be an acceptable answer.

They hear the familiar click of the front door locking. Cas stands up and stretches. He comes back into the room with a half-eaten bag of Doritos and three water bottles.

“So,” Balthazar says with a mouthful of chips, “You never told me you and Dean got frisky.”

“Did he just say frisky?” Cas asks.

Gabe nods. “I like him.”

Cas coughs uncomfortably. “I’m not going to defile your heterosexual ears.”

“That is possibly the weirdest sentence I’ve ever heard.” Balthazar laughs. He stands up and yawns. “Can I take a shower?”

Gabe grabs him a fresh towel and leaves him in the bathroom. He walks back in to talk to his younger brother. “Michael leaves for work at six thirty, so we should get Balthazar out like ASAP.”

“Yeah.” Cas nods.

The two of them get Balthazar out the door less than a minute before Michael walks into the kitchen, clearly limping. _Ew._ He’s wearing a turtleneck under his barista apron and there’s still purple bruises forming behind his ears. _Double ew._ Cas and Gabe just turn around and go back to sleep.

 

Anna hears the familiar ping of an incoming text. She opens her phone and sees the picture of her and Balthazar with their tongues out, making stupid faces.

**Balthazar: u around?**

**Anna: Yeah, what’s up?**

**Balthazar: we should meet up. i gotta tell u something**

Anna frowns.

**Anna: Is everything alright?**

**Balthazar: kinda? let’s meet at our spot. i’ll explain everything when we get there**.

Anna’s more than a bit concerned but she drives to her and her boyfriend’s spot anyways. The small park behind the Lawrence mall parking lot is where they went on their first date. The seemingly unnoticed spot where they went on their first date is where Anna and Balthazar spend most of their time.

She gets there a few minutes before him, so Anna takes the blanket out of the back of the car and puts it under a tree. She hates driving Luce’s old clunker, but it was either that or walking. There’s no way in _hell_ that Gabe would ever let her drive the Audi, and Michael’s sedan is parked by his work.

The first thing Anna notices is that Balthazar looks tired. It’s not the usual sleep deprivation that they’re both familiar with, but something else entirely. It’s the kind of tired that only happens when there’s something keeping you awake. It’s unsettling to see on him.

Balthazar kisses her lightly and sits down.

“What’s going on?” she asks him. Anna has no idea what to expect.

Balthazar looks down at his hands. He looks really upset. He mumbles something.

“What?”

“I’m _leaving_ , Anna.” Balthazar can’t meet her eyes.

“What are you talking about?” She’s confused.

“I’m moving to Paris.”

Anna feels a bunch of things at the same time: confusion, shock, upset and hurt, and a gut-wrenching feeling that they definitely are going to break up. If not now, then soon.”

She doesn’t say she’s sorry. She knows that he won’t want to hear that. “How long do you have left?”

“Two months.” Balthazar mutters, “I’m sorry, Anna.”

Anna smiles sadly. “Hey, don’t be sorry. This isn’t your fault. I’ve moved around a lot and I know that it sucks, but you’ll be okay.” She squeezes his hand reassuringly. She wants to yell or scream or hit something but she knows that it’s no use. She was actually fitting in here, and she didn’t feel like the new kid. Her grades are even better than usual here; she has good friends, and is getting along with all of her siblings (even Luce!). So, of course, Balthazar is moving to another _continent._ But she has to remind herself that this isn’t about her, and _how would you feel Anna?_ So she knows she has to be strong for him.

“You mean that?” he asks.

Anna’s lip curls up in a half-smile. “Yeah. I do. Besides, we still have two months. Let’s make the most of them. Deal?”

“Deal.”

 

Cas looks up from his computer. He’s working on his report for English class, and he definitely isn’t using Sparknotes. He sees Luce standing in the doorway to the room, which is never a good sign.

“What do you want?” he asks his older brother.

Luce pouts. The expression looks a bit ridiculous on him. He fidgets with the hoop on his right ear and sits down on Cas’ bed, closing the laptop screen. “What? Is it _so ridiculous_ to believe that I just want to talk to my baby brother.”

“Yes, it is.”

“Well, I have information you might want.”

Cas doesn’t like the sound of that. Regardless, the curious part of his brain wins over the rational part, and he lets Luce continue.

Luce recounts the story from his shift last week.

“So, you met Dean’s dad?” Cas asks. He has the feeling that whatever Luce just told him, he wasn’t supposed to know. Cas was well aware that John is to put it kindly, a homophobic asshole, but the whole alcoholism part is probably – no, definitely – none of Cas’ business. “Why are you telling me this?”

“Do you want the short answer or the long answer?”

“They’re the same with you.”

Luce scowls. He does love telling stories. “Well, you’re my baby brother, and whether you’ll admit it or not, we’re the most alike out of any of us. Yeah, we don’t actually share any genetic whatever, but you’re practically _my_ twin, not Anna’s.”

“I have no interest in sleeping with any of my siblings.”

“So not my point.” Luce rolls his eyes. “Anyways, where was I? Oh, yes. We’re both troublemakers, avid drug users, we’re both assholes, and frankly, we’re kind of slutty. Want me to continue?”

Cas shakes his head, but he knows Luce is right. The funny thing is he never lies.

“Well, I know myself, so by extension I know you pretty damn well. Not that I’m not happy for your… whatever it is you’re doing with Dean. But we both know it’s gonna blow up in your face at some point or another.” Cas can’t help but notice how he says Dean’s name like a dirty word.

“What’s your point?”

“When it does, I wanna be the one to say I told you so.” Luce puts his hands up defensively. “But hey, I could be wrong. Just remember, I haven’t been so far.”

“Pride.” Cas says.

“Hm?”

“It’s the root of all sin.”

“Don’t get all Bible on me, brother. We both know _I’m_ the religious one.”

Cas can’t shake the feeling he's right.


	6. November, Part 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the infrequent updates! I've been swamped with some personal stuff.  
> Anyways, here's the next chapter.  
> Thank you so much for all the positive feedback, getting those emails is the best feeling.

The first thing Castiel notices when he wakes up is that he’s not wearing a shirt. This isn’t what bothers him specifically; it’s more so that he’s not wearing pants either. He opens his eyes, praying to be at home, but that’s not where he is. He’s on the floor, and all it takes is one look to know he’s in Crowley’s room. _Shit_. It slightly bothers Cas that he can recognize the room by the ceiling. He scrambles to sit up, but there’s a passed out Ruby on his feet. His stirring appears to have woken her up. She sits up with a groan and says something incoherent. Cas just stares at her and gives her his head tilt of confusion.

“I _said_ , can you please pass me my shirt?” Ruby sighs.

Cas blinks slowly. His head is pounding and his throat is completely raw. “What’s going on?”

Ruby whistles slowly before cracking a tired smile. She takes a pink hair tie off her wrist and throws her hair into a messy updo. She is just in her bra and jeans, but somehow Cas doesn't mind. He subconsciously notes that this is the first time in a while he's look at a person's body and hasn't _felt_ anything. Ruby reaches into her bag and fumbles around for a cigarette. She lights it and then shushes him, pointing at the bed. Meg, Crowley and _Sam_ are all cuddled up together. She motions towards the door. Cas grabs someone’s shirt and throws it over his head. He stands up and is _very_  thankful his boxers are on.

Cas follows her outside into the living room. She flops down on one of the modern-looking couches. She winces, and Cas sits down next to her carefully. It's very uncomfortable to sit on.

"Cas, you okay?" She asks, blowing smoke into his face.

"I have no idea how I got here," he admits slowly. He digs a fingernail into his thigh, wondering if he's dreaming.

“You really don’t remember anything?” Ruby asks. Cas just shakes his head. The only thing he remembers is going to Crowley’s house for some reason or another. That’s it. “Whoa. You need to have a bit more self-control.”

“You’re telling me.” Cas frowns. He rubs his head. “So, care to fill me in?”

Ruby tells him everything. How he showed up, smoked half a pack, outdrank _Meg_ and promptly started crying (“You’re a crying drunk, Cas. That’s new”), and tried to call Dean five times.

“Oh god.” Cas buries his hand in his head.

“And that’s only half of it. None of us could figure out what was up with you. We assumed you and Winchester had a fight over something or another.”

Cas nods. He definitely remembers that. “Kind of.”

 

**Yesterday**

For the past week, Cas has been unintentionally avoiding Dean. It’s probably from the weight of knowing all the family drama. He’s worried he’s gonna slip and let out a piece of information he shouldn't know. He's less worried that he's going to freak Dean out than he's worried he'll lose his trust. By Friday, Dean has had enough. He finds Cas in the parking lot and corners him.

“What’s the matter?” Dean asks him. His breath is hot on Cas’ cheek, and in most other instances he’d want to pull Dean in for a kiss right now.

“I don’t know what you mean.” Cas lies.

“You’re a terrible liar. What is it, Cas?”

“Nothing.”

It’s clear Dean doesn’t believe him for a second. “It’s obviously _not_ nothing.”

Cas bites the inside of his cheek. “I don’t wanna talk about it.”

Dean looks hurt. “Really? I’ve told you _everything_ , and suddenly you can’t tell me something? How bad could it be?”

“Not everything.” Cas mutters. He regrets it once it’s out of his mouth.

“Cas…”

“I didn’t mean anything by that.” He tries to apologize.

“Castiel." Dean's never ever used his full name. "What’s going on? You’ve been avoiding me. Did I do something wrong? I deserve to know.” It's clear for a minute how insecure the blond is.

Cas does the only thing he thinks he’s good at: lie. “It’s not you – you didn’t do anything Dean. I’m just going through a bit of shit and I didn’t wanna put it on you. I mean you’re going through a lot right now with you own family…” He realizes what he just said. _Shit_.

“I’m not going through anything Cas.” Dean says slowly. He pieces it together. “Do you know something? What do you know?”

“I know about your dad," he admits.

“How?”

Cas tells him everything. At the end he tries to explain that he knows what Dean’s going through and that he wants to help, but the offer falls on deaf ears.

“Look, Cas. I think I need a bit of time to think about some stuff.” Dean looks really hurt. He sighs, running a hand through his hair. He looks like he wants to say a lot, but he’s never been all that good with words. “You’ve known about some pretty personal shit for a _week_.”

The way Dean says it sound almost informal, but it’s clear he’s hurting. Cas just knows he fucked up. When Gabe finally shows up, he has him drive Cas up to the Talbot estate. Crowley’s almost always home, and when he’s not, Bela has tons of stuff to drink.

Less than half an hour later, Ruby’s shown up with Meg and Sam in tow. They bring a pitcher of Ruby’s new invention, some drink called _demon blood_. It’s disgusting, but Sam seems to like it. Cas finds a bottle and a corner.

 

* * *

 

“Look, Cas. I gotta get Meg home. Her mom’s actually gonna be in the _state_ today, and on the off chance she actually feels like seeing her kid, well… ya know. But text me if you need anything.” Ruby tells him. She seems sincere. As an afterthought, she adds, “Within reason.”

Cas doesn’t call her.

An hour or so later, Cas wills himself to get off the couch and find his shit. His book bag is in one piece, and his phone only has a small crack on the bottom right of the screen. He's pretty sure it's not new. He contemplates sending a quick text to Gabe, but he’s scared to turn it on. He goes into Crowley’s room to find his pants, and is greeted with an ass-naked Crowley on the bed. Cas sighs loudly, throwing a blanket over him. He also hears a weird noise coming from the bathroom. He peers his head in, and finds someone bent over the toilet.

“Sam?” Cas asks, worried. _Poor kid shouldn’t be here_ , Cas thinks.

Sam turns around, flushing the toilet. They both wince at the sound. He gets off the floor and puts his arm on Cas to steady himself. “How are you in better shape than me?”

“Trust me, you don’t wanna know. Sam, what are you doing here?”

“What are _you_ doing here?”

“I’m having issues with your brother.”

Sam smirks, and it's clear he's a lot wiser than his age and boyish stature suggest. “ _Everyone_ has issues with Dean. Try me.”

“First,” Cas hands Sam a green bottle, “mouthwash.” It's also considerably bothersome to Castiel that he knows where Crowley keeps his mouthwash.

Sam cracks a smile.

Once Cas has spilt all of his problems to him, Sam lets out a long chuckle.

“What’s so funny?”

“You know, if it wasn’t so screwed up, I’d be laughing.”

“Sam, you _are_ laughing.”

“My dad and Dean are nothing alike, but it seems that Dean’s just as emotionally constipated.” Sam explains. “He loves you. I mean I’m sure you knew that already, but he’s starting to figure it out himself. And it terrifies him. So he’s pulling away. Don’t get me wrong – the fact that you know all this drama is upsetting, but he doesn’t have to be the one to tell you so that’s a relief for him.”

“So what’s the problem?”

Sam shushes him.

“I was getting to that. It could’ve been _anything_. Dean just wanted an excuse to cause a fight and pull away a bit. It’s not that commitment scares him, but this whole jumping in with both feet thing does.”

Cas’ mouth falls open with a pop.

“What?”

“You’re a genius.”

Sam shrugs noncommittally. “Not really. I just know my brother.”

Cas sits down on the edge of the bathtub. As relieved as he is to have some reason for Dean’s fight with him, he’s still really worried about Sam. He has so much going for him and the fact that he’s becoming just another Castiel breaks his heart.

“So, why are you here?”

“I like Ruby. She’s nice.”

“Sam…”

“I know, it’s just – I don’t know, actually. I just can’t leave. I mean there’s something about her.”

“Sam. I don’t mean Ruby. I mean,” he motions to Crowley’s room, “why are you here with people like them – like me? You’re so much better than that."

“Am I?”

“Yes, yes you are. Now, I’m gonna get Bela and she’s gonna drive us home. Then you’re gonna go home and hug your mother because you have one, and then you’re gonna do your homework and hang out with someone who’s good for you and play Xbox with Dean and eat something organic. And then, on Monday, you come talk to Ruby and decide if she’s really what you want.”

"Why do you care so much?" Sam asks, and it's heartbreaking. Between Dean's drama and Mary's stress and John's alcoholism, Sam must not get a lot of attention.

"Because if someone would've said this to me three or four years ago, I'd be in a much better place than where I am now."

Bela’s a pain in the ass, but she has a Bentley. She's a sarcastic bitch, and while that makes most people stay away, Cas likes her for exactly that. Also, he's pretty sure that if he had tits, he'd be a cross between her and Ruby. But that's his opinion. After half an hour of bitching about having to wake up at an “ungodly hour” (it’s one-thirty in the afternoon), she gets dressed and does her makeup and hair to drive them home. Cas doesn’t ask why it’s necessary. Instead, he’s in a car so expensive _Chuck_ wouldn’t even drive, and he’s in front of his building twenty minutes later. He makes Sam promise to talk to him, and decides to sneak in as quietly as possible. It’s impossible.

He’s greeted by everything being _too normal_ , if possible. Michael’s at the table, working on the Saturday crossword and Gabe’s eating a monster of a sandwich. They barely glance at him when he walks in. It’s not until he sits down at the table with a cup of tea and muffin that they question him.

“So what happened?” Gabe asks, burping loudly. Michael sighs and mutters something about manners.

“Dean and I had a fight.” Cas answers. It’s not really an answer at all, considering it’s kind of common knowledge.

He looks over at Luce, expecting an acerbic remark. It doesn’t come. Instead, all Luce says is: “Did you guys make up yet? Fighting is great – you get everything out in the open, and then the angry hate-slash-makeup sex is... well, you'll see.”

Gabe groans and stands up. “I’m gonna clarify something. If you two wanna… do whatever, that’s ‘kay. But we’ve never wanted to hear about who you do and the specifics well, since _ever_. And that’s still true. Especially now. Keep it relatively PG, _please_.”

Cas nods in appreciation. “What he said.”

 

Dean calls him around five. Cas is so startled by the buzzing and the name flashing on his screen that Gabe has to tell him to “pick it up, moron” before be can actually say hello.

“Dean?”

“Hey, Cas.” Dean sounds nervous. Cas hears muttering in the background. “I’m uh, I’m sorry. I kinda overreacted yesterday and uh I’m not very good at this.”

Cas smiles. “Dean, it’s fine. Really.”

“We’re okay? That's it?”

“Yeah. That's it.”

Dean promises to call him later; he has to help Mary with some stuff and then spend time with Sam.

“Communication!” Gabe teases. “Pretty damn important.”

Anna knocks on the door to Michael’s room. Luce may be at work, but she thinks better safe than sorry. She hears a muffled _come in_ , so she does.

“Hey, Anna. What’s up?” Michael looks away from the computer, rubbing his neck.

“What are we doing for thanksgiving? I mean we usually spend it with Aunt Rachel, but then again we used to see them every week.”

“Oh. I didn’t even think about it.” Michael pulls out his new phone and opens up the calendar. “I mean I don’t think we can fly there. I could ask if they wanna come down here, or we could just do something the five of us. Thanks for reminding me... I'll figure something out”

He goes back to doing work. Anna just slips out. She has to make a few calls.

Rachel Milton, Anna’s aunt, is a family-oriented woman. She was the one who put Anna’s mother together with Chuck. They were college roommates and the best of friends. If Rachel liked her, than surely her brother Chuck would. She was right, as usual.

Anna loves her aunt and all six of her kids, but they’re a handful. Rachel’s husband works for the UN, so he’s not around all the time. Rachel teaches theology at Boston College, and she wants to send all of her kids there. They’re a bit rowdy, but Anna’s always considered Rachel a mother figure. She knows Michael will forget, so she takes matters into her own hands.

 

> **Anna Novak** ([anovak@kripkehs.edu](mailto:anovak@kripkehs.edu))
> 
> To: **Rachel Milton** ([rmilton@bostoncollege.edu](mailto:rmilton@bostoncollege.edu))
> 
> Subject: Thanksgiving
> 
> Hi!
> 
> How is everything? I miss you and everyone. It’s been forever since we’ve seen you. We can’t fly up to Boston this thanksgiving, but you guys should come down to Lawrence. Our apartment’s a bit small, but we could make it work.
> 
> Love,
> 
> Anna
> 
>  

Within a day, Rachel is making flight arrangements and planning for some of them to come down. The three younger Novaks are excited. Michael and Luce? Not so much.

“You do realize they’re gonna have to find out, right?” Michael sighs, finishing his wine.

“You could just not tell them.” Gabe suggests.

“That’s _lying_.”

“No shit, Sherlock.”

“I don’t think it’s gonna be that bad. I mean we’re not related.” Luce tries to be optimistic.

Michael sighs. He’s less worried about the pseudo-incest and more about fact he’s dating a guy. “Have you forgotten we both have dicks?”

“Sweetheart, I could _never_ forget your dick.” Luce smirks.

Gabriel cringes. “Ew.”

“ _Please_.” Michael sighs. “I mean, you yourself saw how much Dad flipped at Cas.”

“In hindsight, I do think he would’ve reacted better if he hadn’t walked in on him ass-naked.” Luce points out.

“Still. Aunt Rachel’s even more religious.”

“What happened to love thy neighbor?”

Gabe scoffs. “That doesn’t count if your neighbor isn’t a straight white guy.”

Luce throws a napkin at his younger brother.

“Why don’t we cross that bridge when we get to it?” Michael suggests.

 

That’s how they find themselves scrambling the day before thanksgiving. Anna and Michael are desperately cleaning. And by _cleaning_ , they mean stuffing everything out of sight and into drawers as well as spraying every surface with Windex. Cas is at the supermarket, trying to buy pre-made food that they can keep frozen and “cook” tomorrow, since none of them actually are good with preparing food. Luce is working (no surprise), and Gabriel’s nowhere to be found.

“Why do we always end up being the only ones who clean anything around here?” Anna asks, exasperated.

“Because if we didn’t, nobody else would.” Michael answers, turning on the vacuum cleaner. Anna frowns. He’s not wrong.

 

“You’re living _here_?” Rachel asks, lines forming between her eyebrows. She tries to peer around through the half-open door. “Oh, sweeties. Why didn’t you tell me? I would’ve sent some money or something.”

Michael bites the inside of his cheek in annoyance. She notices it.

“Oh, I see. It’s one of those… masculine things. My money, my home, I don’t need help or directions, blah blah. Your father was exactly the same. How are you sweetheart?” Michael hugs her tightly, kissing her on the cheek. Four children follow in behind her in various stages of annoyance.

“Hi guys!” Luce smiles politely. On the inside, his stomach is in knots and he’s not sure why. His gut is telling him that something bad is going to happen.

Thanksgiving dinner could have gone worse. Uriel attempts to stab Cas with a plastic knife, Naomi ends up giving Gabe a haircut, and Bart gets _really_ drunk. Still, things seem to be alright until Hester announces her engagement. She got engaged a few weeks ago to her boyfriend who she met in nursing school. He’s (in typical Milton fashion) a genius with a stable career, good looks, and a great personality. Since only Hester seems able to actually meet their family’s goals for boyfriends and girlfriends, Rachel is exceptionally pleased. That doesn’t stop her from sending glares to her oldest son, who keeps slurring comments about how he’s a “ginger douchebag”. To change the subject, of course Rachel asks if Michael is seeing anyone. There’s dead silence for a minute. Cas spits out his drink, choking a little.

“What’s so funny?” Rachel asks.

“Michael’s so busy, I doubt he’d have time to take a girl out if he could get one.” Cas makes up. Michael rolls his eyes, but he’s thankful for the recovery. There’s really no good answer.

“I work long shifts and I’m still working on grad school applications so that takes up the bulk of my time.”

“So? Hester’s in _nursing school_. And she volunteers at the Children’s hospital.” Somehow this became a ‘who’s the better child’ contest, and Michael is _not_ in the mood for that. “And you, Nick?”

“ _Luce_ ,” he corrects her. Yet, somehow his face softens at being referred to by his actual first name. He makes that pained expression where he’s about to be one hundred percent honest. “I’m still working up the courage to tell that special someone how I feel.”

Hester smiles a little. Rachel makes that motherly expression that they’ve all seen so many times on their own mother.

“ _I’m_ going to be in my room. Naomi, want me to paint your nails?” Anna stands up abruptly. Uriel follows behind them.

Hester agrees to show Gabe and Cas all of the pictures from a recent music festival she went to, and that leaves Rachel, Michael and Luce alone at the table. There’s awkward silence until she breaks it.

“So, how long have you two been having… relations?”

Michael makes a sputtering noise. Luce finishes the rest of his beer. After a few long chugs, he slams the glass on the table. The sound echoes.

“Excuse me?” Michael asks, eyes wide.

“I’m not stupid.”

“Aunt Rachel, what the fuck?” Luce asks.

“ _Language_ , Nick.” she sighs. “It’s… fairly obvious. I’m married, I know what two individuals in… love look like.”

“Where _is_ Mr. Milton?” Luce asks.

“At home with the twins. Inias has the flu and Rafael is just antisocial.” Rachel shrugs. “Now, we need to talk about whatever this is.”

“Oh _god_.” Michael mutters.

“Language. I swear, for Pete’s sake. Your blasphemy and Nick’s profanity – it’s disturbing. I can’t even imagine what Castiel and Gabriel might have picked up.” Rachel sighs again. “Do your siblings know?”

“Yes.”

“Let me make this _explicitly_ clear. I do not approve of your… lifestyle that you two have. I suppose the fact that you two aren’t related makes the whole thing less inappropriate. Still. Homosexuality _is_ a sin, but that’s your business.”

“Wait, you’re not mad?” Michael seems surprised.

“Anger isn’t the best word. Disturbed, perhaps. But I’ve lost your mother and now I’ve lost your father. I’m not going to lose you two over something as trivial as this.”

“Thanks, Aunt Rachel.”

“You’re welcome… Luce.”

 

Luce pops up behind Michael while he’s cleaning up that night. He startles his boyfriend, making him jump.

“Well that was enough awkwardness for the next ten years.” Luce says.

“You’re telling me.” Michael slumps against the counter. “Why does everyone _care_?”

“People just do. I mean we’re both guys, that’s not exactly… okay for most people.”

“Why do we care that they care? Why can’t we be like Cas?”

Luce raises an eyebrow. That’s definitely a new one. “What do you mean?”

“He doesn’t _care_.” Michael explains, “He doesn’t have to worry about whether people will treat him differently, because it’s part of who he is.”

Luce smiles sadly. “You really don’t know much about him.”

“Yeah, I do.” Michael insists.

“You don’t.” Cas calls from the couch. “What’s my favorite color?”

Michael has no idea.

“It’s green. Like Dean’s _eyeeeeeeees_.” Luce answers.

“Wait, seriously?”

“Yes, seriously.” Luce says, making a gagging noise.

“I thought you thought we were cute?” Cas responds, an amused smirk on his face. “I hear _everything_.”

“Good night, Castiel.” Michael says, laughing at Luce’s expression. Once Cas is out of earshot, Michael asks for him to clarify.

“This poor kid’s gotten past the whole big gay panic – I mean, there’s still a good chance that he could fall in love and end up marrying a girl. But Cas has been through hell, and he’s so tired that he doesn’t even bother hating himself for his sexuality, because he hates himself more for everything else.”

“Oh.” Michael suddenly feels bad. “You know, I really need to try and get to know him again.”

“You do.”

 

Cas rolls over, groaning. His phone is almost never off vibrate mode, so he's a bit confused as to why it's playing the most irritating song possible. “Gabriel, why is my ringtone _Get Low_?”

Gabe’s sitting in his bed, an amused smirk on his face. He’s reading an issue of Cosmopolitan magazine that he definitely didn’t steal from Anna. He dog-ears the page and sighs. “Just pick up the phone, moron.”

Cas presses _accept_ , smiling at Dean’s name on his screen. He doesn’t even get the chance to say hello.

“Put it on speaker, I wanna hear!” Gabe whines. Cas just flips him off.

“Cas, man. You gotta come over, like five minutes ago.”

“What’s up?”

“Dude. There’s a two-day Marvel marathon. Get over here.”

“Dean, I just woke up. Give me a minute.” Cas sighs, smiling at his boyfriend’s nerdy-ness.

“Hurry. Iron Man just started.” Dean says, hanging up.

Cas sighs, leaning back against his pillow. Gabe looks at him expectantly. “What?”

Gabe takes out a lollypop from god-knows-where, and takes a long lick. “What does Dean-o want?”

“My body.” Cas quips, rolling his eyes. He stands up and throws his blanket back on his bed. _Good enough_ , he thinks.

“No, seriously. As your favorite brother – don’t even bother denying it – and the world’s biggest Destiel shipper-”

“Destiel?” Cas asks.

Gabe sighs, irritated. “Destiel. Dean and Castiel. Together. It's a ship name. Like Brangelina.”

“Oh.”

“As I was saying, you basically have to keep me in the loop 25/8.”

“Do you mean 24/7?”

“No, I mean 25/8.” Gabe smiles.

“Whatever. I’m taking a shower and then going to Dean’s.”

“What’s the point of showering if you’re just going to get all sweaty?”

 

When Cas gets to the Winchester home, he can’t help but notice that John’s pick-up is in the driveway. He’s never actually _met_ John (despite a few moments of uncomfortable eye-contact) and he doesn’t really want to. As Dean’s boyfriend, he feels like the ‘meet the parents’ thing is important, and he’s happy to get grilled by Mary (who reminds him of an adult Jo Harvelle for some reason) and he really does like Sam. But Dean’s father seems to be terrifying, and Cas wants to stay _far_ away. He rings the doorbell.

“It’s open!” A voice he recognizes as Mary’s yells. Cas lets himself in, taking his shoes off at the door. He walks into the home he’s grown acquainted with over the past few months. Mary is sitting at the kitchen table, typing something furiously. She looks stressed, but still looks up and smiles when she sees him. “Hey, Cas.”

“Hi, Mary.” Cas smiles at her, taking a water bottle from the fridge. “How’s it going?”

She sighs loudly. “Hey, can you pass me a can of Coke or something? I need caffeine.” She rubs her eyes and opens the soda, taking a long sip. “I’ll be fine once I’m done with this case.”

“I’ll leave you to it then.” Cas says, walking into the living room. Dean and Sam are on the couch, watching Iron Man. Sam has a huge bag of trail mix on his lap and is eating handfuls at a time. “Morning,” Cas greets them. He plops down on the worn-in sofa in between the two brothers. He throws his legs on Dean’s lap. He gives Cas an annoyed look but he obviously doesn’t mind. He grins at Dean’s attempt to recreate his younger brother’s “bitchface” and kisses the blond on the cheek.

Cas sits through the last half-hour of Iron Man, Captain America, Iron Man 2, and Thor before Sam’s asleep and Cas can’t feel his legs. He sits up, yawning.

“Where are you going?” Dean asks.

“My feet are asleep.” Cas groans.

Dean yawns as well. “We’ve been sitting for like six or seven hours. Wanna get some pie? I could go for some pie.”

Mary’s still in the kitchen, typing away at whatever legal document she’s working on. She looks like she hasn’t moved at all since Cas got here.

“Hey, ma.” Dean says, getting her attention. Mary yawns and checks her watch, frowning. “You alright?”

“This deadline is a pain in the neck, that’s all. Don’t worry about it, sweetie.” Mary shrugs off her son’s concern. She takes one look at Dean and laughs. “Yes, there’s pie in the fridge.”

“How does she have time to cook while doing all of that?” Cas asks with pecan pie in his mouth.

“It keeps her mind off _him_.” Dean answers bluntly. There’s no bitterness to the way he mentions his father, but rather just plain fact. He could have been talking about the weather.

Cas mutters an apology.

“What was your dad like?” Dean asks. He’s cautious, as if he knows that by asking the question he’s walking on metaphorical eggshells.

Cas frowns. He has to think for a moment before answering. “He worked a lot. Was pretty strict. 6 o’clock curfew – the only exception was Anna when she had tournaments. Pretty religious too. He drank too much and was sad a lot. But he really cares – cared about us.”

“Do you miss him?”

“It’s… weird. I mean, when he was alive I _hated_ him. He was a terrible parent. But I’d kill to talk to him again.”

Dean mutters something incomprehensible. He looks up and sees his boyfriend’s head tilt of confusion. “I’m sorry, Cas.”

“It’s okay.”

For the first time in a while, Cas means it.

"You're... Castiel aren't you?" A gruff voice asks. Dean's face pales. Cas doesn't have to turn around to know that it's John Winchester. He takes a deep breath and faces his boyfriend's father.

"Yes sir." Cas nods, sticking out his hand to shake. John just stares at it until Cas drops his hand awkwardly to the side. "It's a pleasure to meet you."

"I suppose you're the homo who's dating my son." John states.

" _John_." Mary chastises him from the kitchen. He sighs.

"Yes, I heard from my wife that you're a nice boy or whatever she says. Just listen to me very carefully. You better not be encouraging Dean. All teenagers have their experimental phases, but when he's done don't go holding him to some  _gay_ thing."

"Please stop talking about me like I'm not right here." Dean sighs. "It's not a phase. I like guys, end of story."

"What about Lisa Braden? She was a nice girl?" John asks.

"That was in the seventh grade." Dean says.

"I have to head home soon." Cas tries to get out of there. "It was nice to meet you, Mister Winchester."

Dean walks him out. "I'm so sorry."

Cas bites his lip. Despite all he's used to, hearing such terrible things is still slightly upsetting. Somehow, John isn't as bad as Luce, Dean, or Sam made him out to be. "It's really okay. My dad probably would've dumped holy water on you."

Dean tries to stifle a laugh. "Shit, really?"

Cas' lip turns up into half of a smile. "Yeah." He kisses Dean chastely on the porch and says goodbye. Somehow, that wasn't as bad as he thought it was going to be.


	7. December

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi there! Sorry it's been so long since I've updated. It's been a pretty hectic past few months, and real life has to come first. Anyways, here's what will probably be the last chapter! It's short but there will be an epilogue as well.

As soon as Anna wakes up, she knows that today is going to be special. She peers over at the calendar on her door. Today is December 1st. Her heart plummets a little – Balthazar is leaving in thirty-three days. But December has always been her favorite month, and she’s not going to start it on a bad note. She slides on her slippers and quietly makes her way out into the kitchen. As she waits for her coffee to brew, she decides to open up the window. The whole apartment constantly smells like teenage boy, and it’s driving her crazy.

Anna takes a peek outside. The entire fire escape is covered in a blanket of white powder. All of the trees have snow on their branches, and the sidewalk looks like it’s covered in at least half a foot. _How often does it snow in Kansas, let alone this much?_ Anna wonders to herself. A quick look on her laptop tells her that all the schools in the county are closed.

She makes her way into Gabe and Cas’ room. Their alarm should be going off soon. She swings open the door, praying that they decided to sleep in clothing. “Wake up wake up wake up!”

“Anna?” Gabe groans, turning on the lamp next to him. “What’s the matter?”

“Come look outside.”

“If the building is on fire, its the fire department’s problem,” he groans. But Anna is persistent. Gabriel loves that about her, but he doesn’t exactly appreciate it at the given moment. She decides to just open the curtains in their room. Both boys recoil at the sudden light.

“Just look!” Anna insists.

Gabe rolls over, a witty comment forming on the tip of his tongue. But as soon as he cranes his neck and really looks, his face lights up like a kid on Christmas morning. “Dude! It’s snowing!”

Cas grumbles something and pulls his blanket over his head.

“Anna, Anna, Anna. Guess what we’re doing?”

She smiles enthusiastically. “What?”

Cas answers for him. “You’re going to make chocolate banana pancakes, like you do every single snow day. Now _please_ let me sleep.”

“Don’t be such a Debbie Downer,” Gabe says while he puts on a pair of fuzzy reindeer socks. “Don’t worry, we’ll save you a few.”

“Is he okay?” Anna asks him as soon as they’re out of the room.

Gabe nods. He knows Cas is fine, just not a morning person. He pulls out eggs and chocolate milk from the fridge while Anna finds the rest of the ingredients. They eventually manage to find everything they need, and get started cooking. The two of them manage to make their favorite breakfast without too many casualties – minus the eggshells all over the floor, the smoke detector going off twice, and the huge glob of pancake batter on Anna’s ponytail. The pancakes are only slightly burnt, and the syrup leaked all over the fridge door, but they just laugh it off. It takes maybe five minutes to clean all of that up.

Their mother used to make them chocolate chip banana pancakes every single snow day. When the Novaks lived up in Boston, they had a lot more of them. Still, they tried to continue the tradition all these years later.

“You know,” Anna says, mouth full of pancake, “these don’t suck.”

“Mmf.” Gabe responds, licking sugar off his upper lip. “So, you doing anything today?”

“Charlie’s coming over in like an hour. Kev too.”

“Oh, I have to talk to Charlie about last week’s _Doctor Sexy, MD._ Can you believe that Doctor Piccolo hooked up with the resident?”

Anna just rolls her eyes. Her brother is the biggest fangirl she’s ever met. “Yeah, you can do that. Sometimes I think you like my friends more than your own.”

Gabe shrugs. She’s not wrong. But he doesn’t exactly _have_ any friends here. He settles for sticking his tongue out at her. “You love me.”

“Yeah, just a little.”

Anna pauses for a moment, an idea coming to mind. “Do you know what we should do?”

“What?”

“We should buy a Christmas tree,” Anna suggests, “well you and Cas. I don’t wanna deal with that. And you’ve already gotten all Christmassed out.”

“No I haven’t!”

Anna sighs and points and her brother’s reindeer sweater and matching socks.

“Touché. Fine, I’ll go – but _right now._ And you’re gonna be the one who has to wake up Sleeping Beauty. Last time Cas almost murdered me.”

“Fair enough.”

 

Luce stumbles into the kitchen around eight-thirty. Anna and Gabe exchange a wary look. He’s teetering around uncomfortably. He looks like he’s about to say something, but instead ends up vomiting into the sink.

“Ew.” Gabe shudders.

Luce blindly fumbles until he finds a water bottle. He chugs the whole thing down and wipes his mouth on the back of his hand.

“I’m not even hung over,” he says, astonished. “What the literal fuck?”

Anna just shrugs. “I’m not cleaning that up.”

“I didn’t _ask_ you to, little sis.”

Anna bites the inside of her cheek. Luce usually acted like that so it wasn’t anything new to them. But once they had gotten here, he had almost gotten nice. She guesses it was her mistake to assume that. The redhead just shakes her head and walks away into her room. The door closes a little louder than usual.

“Could you not be… such a bag of dicks?” Gabe asks, irritated.

“I thought that’s what you loved about me.” Luce retorts. He sniffs loudly. “Did you guys make… pancakes?”

“Masterful deduction.” Gabe teases, pointing to the brown stack on the counter.

Luce shoves him lightly and sniffs again. He twists the stud in his ear absentmindedly. “So, uh, how are you?” He really does care about his siblings, but his attempts are usually misguided or just go horribly wrong.

“I’m okay.” Gabe responds automatically. He half-smiles. “Really, I’m fine. But what’s up with you, vomit commit?”

Luce shrugs.

“Maybe you’re pregnant.”

He snorts loudly. “Where are the pancakes, asshole?”

The younger Novak mimics him, “In the fridge asshole.”

 

“Cassie, it’s a snow day!” Anna nudges her twin, trying to wake him up. Cas groans, pulling the blanket up to his nose.

“Yes, I’m aware.”

“C’mon, you have to get up. Charlie and Kev are over, and so is Dean-o.”

“Dean-o?” Cas asks, sitting up. “You’ve been talking to Gabe a bit too much.”

Anna shakes her head, “We _live_ with him.”

“Why’s Dean here?”

“Oh, I don’t know,” the younger twin says flippantly, “it’s not like he’d have any desire to actually see you.”

Cas smacks her lightly with his pillow.

“I’ll be out there in five minutes.”

 

“-and that’s when I knew that Doctor Piccolo had a thing for the spinal surgeon. There’s no way she’d actually be interested in the resident, Dave. She just wants to make him jealous!” Cas hears his boyfriend’s voice filter in through the living room. He walks out to the living room in sweatpants and a worn in Nirvana shirt, not really dressing to impress. He sees Dean, Charlie, and Kevin smushed together on the loveseat, sitting across from Gabe and Anna. The older Novak seems to be draped on the duct tape lawn chair at an impossible angle, reading out of a notebook. He closes it with a smack when he sees Cas.

“Morning, sunshine.” Gabe greets him.

Everyone says hello. Dean hops of the couch, tripping over the assortment of limbs, and kisses Cas chastely.

“So, what do you wanna do?” The blond asks, scratching his freckle-splattered nose.

Cas just raises an eyebrow and whispers _you_.

Dean sighs. “You know what I mean.”

“We should make hot chocolate.” Cas suggests. His idea is met with mutters of approval.

“Someone said hot chocolate?” Luce asks, popping his head back into the living room area. “Wow, you guys actually _do_ have friends.”

“Shut up.” Anna fires back, a little too icily.

Luce shakes his head, keeping his thoughts to himself. His blue eyes scan the teenagers and stop to the left of Castiel. “Dean. We meet again.”

“Hey.” Dean waves uncomfortably.

“I’m gonna head to the store, I need Advil. I can pick up mix and marshmallows. Dean, why don’t you come with?” Luce suggests. Everyone can feel the tension in the air.

“What, you can’t go yourself?”

“License still suspended, Cassie. Besides, it’s about time your boy-toy met the parents.”

Gabe buries his head in his hands. “I am so sorry for you.”

“See you in a few.” Dean kisses Cas again, a lot less nicely. It’s sloppy and dirty and frankly, a bit uncomfortable for everyone else.

“Hopefully,” Cas mutters.

Once the two of them have left, the uneasiness in the room disperses,

 

“Who is that?” Charlie asks. She looks like she has a lot more questions she wants to ask.

“Michael’s boyfriend.” Anna answers, her head lolling back over the back of the couch. “It’s… complicated.”

“Understatement of the year.” Cas agrees.

Nobody says anything for a few moments. The silence is broken by the shrill ringtone of Anna’s phone. She fumbles through her backpack on the floor until she pulls out the phone and picks it up. Her face breaks out into a huge grin when she hears whoever is on the other line. It doesn’t take a genius to guess who it is. She lets the person talk for a few minutes before answering.

“That sounds awesome, I’ll be there in five.” Anna replies, before hanging up. “Balthazar’s taking me ice skating. Is it okay if I…?”

Kevin nods quickly. “Yeah, no prob.” Both him and Charlie were looking forward to spending time with their friend, but they both know she has a limited number of days left with Balthazar.

“Besides, they’re here for _me_.” Gabe teases. “Be safe, kiddo.”

Anna sticks her tongue out at him, before grabbing a pair of boots and a beanie from her room. She zips up her coat and practically skips out the door.

“And then there were four.” Charlie says. “What do ya’ll wanna do?”

“Pray for Dean’s safe return.” Gabe half-jokes. When he sees the redhead’s worried expression, he quickly adds, “I mean it’s not like Luce’ll do anything bad. He’s fairly mild-mannered. He’s just probably scarring him with stories about Cas growing up.”

“So, how’d they meet?” Charlie asks, tugging on her braid. She’s a sucker for romance, and from what she knows about Michael, he’s pretty serious about relationships. Luce isn’t exactly what she expected Michael’s type to be. She’s not one to judge based on appearance, but the piercings and vaguely prison-ish tattoo doesn’t really match with Michael’s sweater vests, oversized librarian glasses, and classical music.

“His parents were friends with ours. We pretty much grew up with him.”

“Awww. So it’s the classic best friends turned lovers trope?”

Gabe shudders. “That’s my brother you’re talking about.”

The two of them bicker for a bit, while Kevin thumbs through a magazine and Cas spaces out. They’re all silenced buy a guffaw from the doorway. Cas looks up to see Dean… laughing? With _Luce_ of all people? He does a double take.

“Holy shit.” Cas mutters.

“I never thought I’d see that.” Gabe whistles.

“Hey! Who wants cocoa?” Dean asks, shaking snowflakes out of his hair. His ears and cheeks are bright pink from exposure to the wind. “We have marshmallows and whip cream and-”

Dean gives Gabe a bitchface he must have picked up from Sam. The brother in question has a mouthful of fluffy white squares, and is muttering something incomprehensible.

“Well, we have whip cream,” he sighs.

“And Game of Thrones!” Kevin reaches into a plastic bag and pulls out a disk set. “All of the first season!”

“Joffrey is such a dick. You’re gonna be so glad when he-” Charlie says, switching into fangirl mode.

“Aah! Stop that. I hate spoilers.” Gabe cuts her off, feigning annoyance. “There’s what, ten episodes? We can knock that all off today.”

 

Ten hours later, Gabriel stands up and cracks his neck loudly with a pop. Cas groans. “Well, shit. That just got interesting.”

“Wait until you see the weddings.” Charlie smirks.

“Spoilers!” Dean yells.

“I find myself relating to Cercei.” Luce muses. He winks at Cas, who winces. There are some things he can’t unsee.

“I think I should head out…” Kevin stands up, yawning. He turns to Charlie and Dean, “Want me to drive you home?”

“That’d be great, Kev.” The two of them say their goodbyes, and Dean heads out with them. Once the door was closed, Cas cracks his back.

“I like him.” Luce says, quietly.

“Dean? Shit, is today opposite day?” Gabe jokes.

“No.”

“Oh. That’s good to hear.” Cas says, not really knowing what else to say.

“I _am_ a people person, Cassie.” Luce sighs. “And I _can_ be nice. It’s not my singular goal in life to upset you.”

Cas looks down, rubbing one of his sock-clad feet against the other. He’s been catching more and more glimpses of the _old_ Luce. He misses when he was like that. Sure, he was just as prideful and sassy, but was compassionate and caring. It’s good to have his brother back.

He stretches, feeling his sore body groan in protest. Cas has been sitting for _way_ too long. He’s never been the healthiest person, but not moving for the whole day was definitely not the best idea.

“I’m going for a walk,” Cas announces, putting on his Docs. He also _really_ needs a cigarette.

“I’ll come with you.” Luce says. They both know that there isn’t any room for argument in that.

The two of them walk downstairs. It’s freezing, especially in the dark. Cas wraps his trench coat around himself tight. Luce is only in ripped jeans, a tee shirt, and a cardigan. He’s weirdly resistant to the cold.

Cas is fumbling to find his lighter, and he’s surprised when Luce hands him his instead. The blond takes out a blunt from his sweater and sighs. Cas raises an eyebrow. Michael’s been a bit of a hard-ass on the “no drugs” policy, especially in the past week or so.

“You won’t tell big brother, and neither will I.”

Cas shrugs. “It’s pretty weird to call him _big brother_ , don’t you think?”

“I meant it more in the 1984 way than in the biological.”

He purses his lips. “I guess the shoe fits.”

They both laugh. The two of them chat for a while about nothing at all. The whole time, Cas is wary that Luce is going to mention something heavy, or have some secret reason for wanting to go on a walk with him. It eventually becomes clear that he actually doesn’t have any secret motives.

“I missed the old you,” Cas admits.

“Me too.” Luce agrees. “You know, I think we’re going to all be okay.”

“You mean that?”

“I don’t lie, Castiel.”

 

All the way across town, Anna sits on a ledge by the frozen pond. Balthazar fumbles with his ice skates. He’s having a difficult time untying the laces in the fumbling cold. Anna looks at him, concern all over her face.

“What’s wrong?” she asks him. Anna had just assumed that he was sad to be leaving, but it seems like more than that. It’s clear that there’s something else on his mind.

Balthazar looks up, and adjusts his body to face her. He mutters something before reaching into his book bag. In his hands is a small envelope. Anna takes it.

“I was gonna give this to you in a week or two, but I decided against waiting.”

Anna opens it, not sure what to expect. Inside are two green strips of paper. She looks at them carefully, and smiles widely once she reads what’s on them.

Balthazar hugs her tightly. “I figured since you get a week vacation in February, you might want to come to Paris.”

“I love you.” Anna whispers, kissing him softly.

“You know I love you as well, _mon amour._ ”

 

 

When Michael gets home, the first thing he notices is that nobody has bothered to pick up the mail. He grabs everything and sorts it once he’s upstairs. Anna has a stack of magazines (surprisingly, the _Cosmo_ actually belongs to Gabriel) and a few postcards from various colleges. Luce has a few letters, and Michael has all the crap: a stack of bills and something that looks a bit out-of-the ordinary. It’s a letter from St. Anne’s, the local private high school. He applied there at the beginning of his senior year of college, having planned to be going straight to grad school. He had almost assumed that they forgot about his application. He drops everything on the counter and practically tears it open.

 

_Dear Mr. Novak,_

_We received your application to a teaching position at our secondary school. You interview was exceptional, and we believe that despite your credentials, you would make a wonderful addition to our staff. On completion of your graduate degree in the field of English or Education, we will offer you a spot in our faculty for the following autumn._

_Please respond within the month if you are still of interest,_

_We hope to see you soon!_

_Sincerely,_

_St. Anne’s Secondary School_

_Carver Edlund, Dean of Faculty_

“What is it?” Gabe asks, leaning against the side of the fridge.

“Things are looking up for me – _us._ ”

The two of them actually believe it.


	8. Epilogue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Over a year later, I finally got around to finishing this! Whoops.

_Epilogue_

Pine needles from the Novak’s Christmas tree scatter the floor of their overcrowded apartment. Cas picked out the unevenly decorated tree only a few days ago (and almost broke a window of Gabe’s precious Audi in the process, but that’s another story). Almost a week later, what he dragged into the house is almost unrecognizable, and is the object of most of Anna’s irritation, seeing as it is up to her to sweep.

Christmas wasn’t anything special. They all got presents, drank hot chocolate, and ate Chinese takeout. The sheer _normalcy_ of it, the fact that nobody drank away their problems or really yelled at anyone else was such a rare occasion that even Luce of all people cracked a few smiles. The week between Christmas and New Years flew by in an instant. The Novaks were so wrapped up in all the holiday-related things going on, they almost completely forgot that it was New Years Eve until earlier that day. In classic Gabriel fashion, he was hell-bent on making today a party to go down in history.

Anna was going to be at Balthazar’s house for the night. Michael even let her sleep over, giving her the most _awkward_ sex talk ever, especially since Luce kept adding personal details about “butt stuff”, and sex tips among the lines of “he’s French, he’ll be into that!”

Michael and Luce were out as well, celebrating something somewhere. Honestly, they just needed to get out of the house and spend some time together in a place where nobody knows them.

That just left Cas and Gabe to their own devices, which is as terrible of an idea as it seems. It takes very little convincing to get Cas on board with what _any_ teenager would do: throw a party. Within half an hour, the small apartment is crammed with a handful of their friends. Kali brings her closest friend Baldur. Seeing as nobody wants to be home with their parents, Dean brings Sam along with Kevin and Charlie, and Meg brings Ruby. Even Crowley shows up with a reluctant looking Bela.”

Cas finds himself sitting quietly on a chair, watching the conversations. He doesn’t even notice Meg plop down next to him. She lights a cigarette. Gabe shoots her a dirty look, but Cas doesn’t tell her to take it outside.

“What’s up, Clarence?” The bleached blonde asks, blowing smoke in his face. He wrinkles his nose.

“I don’t know, Meg.” Cas admits. To be completely honest, he’s feeling a bit down and he can’t figure out why.

She takes a long hard look at his face, trying to read him. “Why _are_ you sad? Everything’s coming up Castiel – you’ve got the guy and the grades and the halfway decent family.”

“That’s a very good question. Honestly? I have no idea. Why don’t you tell me, since you seem to know,” Cas replies dismissively. He realizes the words come out a little harsher than intended, and recoils. Luckily, Meg’s got too thick of a skin to take anything personally.

Meg smiles, blowing smoke into his face. “ _Oookay,_ Mister grumpy. What crawled up your ass – or maybe nothings up your ass and that’s the problem…”

“I’m gonna stop you right there.”

 

“Gabriel Novak!” Charlie shouts, getting the aforementioned teen’s attention. “Get your perky behind over here!”

Jo, Charlie, and Sam have a wide box. It’s badly wrapped in wrinkled Chanukah wrapping paper with a huge **Gabriel** written neatly in pink highlighter.

“Merry Christmas.” Sam smiles, giving him the box. Gabe winks at the younger Winchester. He loves flirting with the kid. He doesn’t mean anything by it – hell, he’s the straightest out of all of the Novaks, even Anna – but it’s sure fun to get him (and Dean) flustered.

Gabe unwraps the box, surprised to see that whatever his present is, it’s in an old shoebox. He furrows his brows together, and shrugs, taking the cover of the box off. He wasn’t expecting anything and is more than excited that someone thought of him highly enough to get him _something_.

“What do you think?” Jo asks eagerly.

Gabe answers Jo with a shit-eating grin. “Are those what I think they are?”

Charlie nods.

“Holy shit! You guys got me not just _any_ pair of cowboy boots… but the same boots as Doctor Sexy from Doctor Sexy, MD?”

“Yup. Try them on, asshole.” Meg adds, smiling from behind a red plastic cup.

“Thanks, you guys.” Gabe says. For the first time in his life, he feels appreciated. Sure, he’s never had a hard time making friends. But he’s always felt like a bit of a second choice, like he never meant much to most people. Here, in an over cramped apartment in _Lawrence_ of all places, he feels like he really matters. Maybe he’s not just a background character in his life anymore. His eyes water up, but he quickly blinks that away. He hugs Charlie tightly while there’s a chorus of aw’s.

 

Across town, Michael and Luce find themselves at Luce’s bar. Despite the fact it’s not even ten yet, the usually packed dive is empty. Abby’s manning the bar and waiting tables today, which means most of the schnapps is being skimmed into her own cup. Her face lights up with something like amusement when she sees her coworker and friend enter. She’s not an idiot, though, and doesn’t approach Luce until the two of them are comfortably seated in a corner booth.

“Well well well. This must be the illusive _Michael_.” The redhead smiles, but it looks more like a smirk. She sticks her hand out and introduces herself, “I’m Abby.”

“Michael.” He smiles politely, shaking her manicured hand.

“What can I get you boys? Anything you want, on the house.”

Luce chuckles to himself. He really does appreciate how well she’s taken everything, all things considering. “Surprise us.”

 

Two _Abby Specials_ in, Michael’s beside himself and Luce is at least a little tipsy.

“You know, I’m really happy about this.” Michael admits, motioning wildly.

Luce quirks an eyebrow, “About what?”

“ _All_ of this. Not Dad, but the way that everything turned out. I wouldn’t have this any other way. I’m happy about us, about you.”

“You mean that?”

“Neither of us lie.” Michael says, finishing his third drink. “Now what do you say we get out of here?”

Luce can more than agree to that proposition.

Dean sits down on the arm of Cas’ chair, causing the old thing to groan in protest. “Don’t you wanna see what your present is too?”

“Is it…here?” Cas asks, looking around. He doesn’t see any presents lying around, but to be fair, he didn’t see Gabe’s either.

Dean laughs. It’s a loud chuckle that rumbles from the pit of his belly. “No, it’s not. Wanna go see it?”

The two of them stand up and make an awkward shuffle to the door.

“Be good, you two!” Charlie teases. She says something unintelligible to Gabe, which has them both laughing hysterically.

Dean drives the two of them out to the point overlooking Lawrence. He takes out a flannel from the backseat and lies it down on the hood of the Impala. Despite the dozens of lights on in town, the stars are as clear as ever. Cas shrugs into his trench coat and plops down next to his boyfriend. They’re silent for a while.

“This is beautiful.” Cas says quietly after some time. This is all he ever wanted. Not _this_ – sitting on a frozen car and losing feeling in his ass and toes – but this kind of thing with someone like Dean. He wanted to be able to feel like _this_ and have it be okay.

“Happy new years, Cas.”

Cas kisses him lightly, an almost timid brush of their lips. For Castiel, these smaller gestures are much more passionate than shoving his tongue down the other boy’s throat. For most of his life, Cas was eager to jump the bones of whoever was keeping him company for the night or two. With Dean it’s different, and neither of the boys have to say that aloud to know it’s the truth.

The two of them sit in silence for a long time. Not that Cas minds at all – as a matter of fact, its enjoyable to not fill the voids with unnecessary conversation – until Dean’s nose is bright pink and Cas’ toes are hard to move. The dark haired boy moves to stand up and get back inside the warmth of Baby, but he’s stopped by his boyfriend’s hand on his shoulder.

“Cas, I love you.” Dean blurts out in a moment of honesty.

“Dean-”

“You don’t have to say it back. Really, whenever you’re ready is okay, but I want you to know how I feel.”

Castiel responds with a much less timid kiss this time. “I love you too, Dean.”

For the first time in a very long time, he means it.


End file.
